Comedy Films

"Fat Albert: Yeah."

"Bill Cosby: Doris Robertson?"

"Fat Albert: Doris Robertson."

"Bill Cosby: Doris who?"

"Fat Albert: She was sitting on the couch and she was crying."

"Bill Cosby: Doris?"

"Fat Albert: Well, I heard Doris."

"Bill Cosby: Who... who'd ya heard?"

"Fat Albert: I crawled out of there because I heard her crying."

"Bill Cosby: Crawled out of the TV set. Well, how? How?"

"Fat Albert: Well, I... I crawled out of the TV set."

"Bill Cosby: No, it's alright, son. Thank you. My boy... how did you get into this predicament?"

"Fat Albert: I'm sorry, Mr. Cosby. I didn't mean to startle you. You okay?"

"(page turns to Bill Cosby's living room)"

"Fat Albert: Hello. I'm looking for a Mr. Cosby. Are you his dad? I'm Fat Albert. (Bill Cosby leans on him) Oh, uh, help! Hey--"

"Bill Cosby: Yeah, right."

"Fat Albert: It's Fat Albert."

"Bill Cosby: People wait till you get to the top of the stairs, then they knock. Who is it?!"

"Bill: Stop it, stop it! This isn't about her problem, it's about yours!"

"Fat Albert: You were watching a happy, fun TV show."

"Doris: I'm fine, I'm fine!"

"Fat Albert: You think I came out of the TV just for you to tell me you don't have a problem?"

"Doris: *No,* I *don't*!"

"Fat Albert: Yes, you *do*!"

"Doris: But I don't *have* a problem!"

"Fat Albert: Don't use my lines on me. Besides, I haven't solved Doris' problem yet."

"Bill: Hey, hey, *hey*! Friends don't let friends fade away!"

"Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey! I said I'm gonna stay!"

"Bill: I don't even know who you are anymore!"

"Fat Albert: Lauri is important to me. Maybe it's time I started caring about myself."

"Bill: You don't care if we're fine! All you care about is staying here with Lauri!"

"Fat Albert: We'll be fine."

"Bill: How do you know? Have you ever faded before?"

"Fat Albert: Hey, hey, hey. We can make it another day."

"Doris: No! You missed it *again.*"

"(Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids has just ended because of breaking news)"

"Danielle: He better not be doing this again!"

"Store Clerk: I know big, and you my friend are big."

"Arthur: Yo! Nobody makes a fool out of Reggie except for Reggie."

"(repeated line) Everytime someone tells me they care about me, they wind up leaving me."

"Doris, why are you acting like such a loser? You're not a loser."

"Doris, no one came out of our television set."

"Those guys, Albert's friends...they're very strange. I think they could be some kind of a cult."

"That's our theme song. You guys can't sing it!"

"Yeah, but you're still Bucky."

"(to Reggie) Man, you're like school on Saturday...no class."

"Guys, I see...cheerleaders."

"(repeated line to Dumb Donald) I know you don't know. I wasn't talkin' to you!"

"(repeated line when he cuts Bucky and Dumb Donald off) Guys, guys!"

"I'm a party animal!"