"[Confronting an alligator] Begone, gator. I rebuke you! [Alligator backs away] See, Mike, that's how you command the universe. [Alligator attacks Marcus] That motherfucker racist, Mike! That motherfucker racist!"

"Alexander Ludwig as Dorn"

"[In a flaming van] Everybody relax, the fire's on the outside... now it's on the inside!"

"Martin Lawrence as Marcus Burnett"

"Ioan Gruffudd as Lockwood"

"[Entering a trailer park] It's like redneck Jurassic Park in here!"

"Will Smith as Mike Lowrey"

"A comedy for anyone who wanted Girls to be meaner"

"Griffin Newman as Sam"

"Hashtagwhitegirlproblems"

"Reggie Watts as himself"

"Alysia Reiner as Cobble Hill Mom"

"Peter Vack as Benji"

"Neil Casey as Ebb"

"Clare McNulty as Allie"

"I can't wait to do a cartwheel in the sand."

"I really think that path from before might have been the right path"

"No kittens were harmed during the making of this film. They enjoyed their time with us."

"Bridey Elliott as Harper"

"- Agent Stadt"

"Look, Ed, Tom Beck is the best I've got. If I give him to you, I'll never get him back again. My department will then crumble, crime will run rampant, the city will fall into ruin, rampaging hordes will control the streets, and life as we know it will end."

"- Barbara Beck"

"- Ferrari Salesman"

"[Holds a gun to Detective Beck's chest, revealing that this is merely Masterson's body, hosting the film's eponymous parasite.] I've already shot you once before. I can't tell you how much I'm waiting to do that to you again."

"- Det. Cliff Willis"

"- Lt. Ed Flynn"

"Richard Brooks - Det. Sanchez"

"- Brenda Lee Van Buren"

"- Jack DeVries"

"- Det. Thomas Beck"

"- Jonathan P. Miller"