"The first time I saw you, I hated your guts. I think I even hated you before I met you. I hated you on TV. I hated you in Vietnam. You want to know what's destroying this country? It's not booze. It's not drugs. It's TV. It's media. It's people like you. It's vampires. I hate the way you make your living sticking microphones in people's faces. You lie every night at 6:00. I hate the way you kill real feelings. I hate everything that you stand for. Most of all, I hate rich kids and I hate this place. So why do I want to fuck you so bad?"

"Pao Han Lin as Fred Hung"

"K. Dock Yip as Milton Bin"

"Queen Latifah as Mrs. Dickson (uncredited)"

"Diplo as Himself"

"Dustin Nguyen as Vietnamese Jesus"

"Dave Franco as Eric Molson (uncredited)"

"Rob Riggle as Mr. Walters (uncredited)"

"Seth Rogen as a Morton Schmidt replacement actor (uncredited)"

"Bill Hader as Culinary School Villain (uncredited)"

"Anna Faris as Anna (uncredited)"

"Patton Oswalt as MC State History Professor (uncredited)"

"H. Jon Benjamin as MCS Football Coach (uncredited)"

"Jonah Hill as Morton Schmidt"

"Channing Tatum as Greg Jenko / Jeff"

"Peter Stormare as "The Ghost""

"Wyatt Russell as Zook Haythe"

"Amber Stevens as Maya Dickson"

"Jillian Bell as Mercedes"

"Ice Cube as Captain Dickson"

"Keith Lucas as Keith Yang"

"Kenny Lucas as Kenny Yang"

"Nick Offerman as Deputy Chief Hardy"

"Jimmy Tatro as "Rooster""

"Craig Roberts as Spencer"

"Marc Evan Jackson as Dr. Murphy"

"Jaren Mitchell as Sanders"

"Jonah Hill as Morton Schmidt"

"Channing Tatum as Greg Jenko"

"Brie Larson as Molly Tracey"

"Dave Franco as Eric Molson"

"Rob Riggle as Mr. Walters"

"DeRay Davis as Domingo"

"Ice Cube as Captain Dickson"

"Dax Flame as Zack"

"Chris Parnell as Mr. Gordon"

"Ellie Kemper as Ms. Griggs"