"[On mobile phone] Okay, okay, go ahead and print "unforeseeable." Listen, see when I tell your wife about you and Angela Heaney at the Blackpool conference, what would be best? An email, a phone call, what? Hey! I could write it on a cake with those little silver balls: "Your hack husband betrayed you on October the 4th and congratulations on the new baby." Yeah, maybe it's better to spike it. Yeah, okay, fuckity-bye!"

"Zach Woods - Chad"

"Steve Coogan - Paul Michaelson"

"Olivia Poulet - Suzy"

"James Smith - Michael Rodgers"

"Paul Higgins - Jamie McDonald"

"David Rasche - Linton Barwick"

"James Gandolfini - Lieutenant General Miller"

"Anna Chlumsky - Liza Weld"

"Mimi Kennedy - Karen Clark"

"Gina McKee - Judy Molloy"

"Chris Addison - Toby Wright"

"Tom Hollander - Simon Foster"

"Peter Capaldi - Malcolm Tucker"

"General Miller: This is the problem with civilians wanting to go to war. Once you've been there, once you've seen it, you never want to go again unless you absolutely fucking have to. [pause] It's like France."

"Chad: You couldn't write a paper that clashes more with the current climate if you were trying. And it seems like you almost were trying."

"What did you expect? They're BUILDERS! Have-- have you ever seen a film where the hero is a builder? No? No, because they never FUCKING TURN UP IN THE NICK OF TIME! Batbuilder? Spider-builder? Huh? That's why you never see a superhero with a hod!"

"Y'know me, Malc. Kid gloves, but made from real kids."

"It's a bit manic, it's not like Agriculture. People rarely get this swear-y about wheat."

"Good luck at the Foreign Office, try not to annoy Russia."

"Meeting my constituents? It's like being Simon Cowell but without the ability to say "Fuck off, you're mental.""

"I really hope there isn't a war. It's gonna be a nightmare; it's bad enough dealing with the fucking Olympics."

"[about Jamie MacDonald] You know, my theory is that Malcolm built him in a lab out of bits of old psychopaths."

"They're all kids in Washington. It's like Bugsy Malone but with real guns."

"[to the Passer-by] Kiss my sweaty balls, you fat fuck!"

"[to Linton Barwick] You know, I've come across a lot of psychos, but none as fucking boring as you! I mean, you are a real boring fuck! Sorry, I know you disapprove of the swearing, so I'll sort that. You are a boring F-star-star-CUNT."

"[to Sir Jonathan Tutt] Mr Ambassador, with your big baldy head, you are spoiling us!"

"[to Simon Foster] You know, if I could, I'd fucking punch you into paralysis!"