"Arthur Cooper: I'd stay away from wasps if i were you, Mrs. Starlin. Socially the queen wasp is on the level with a Black Widow spider. They're both carnivorous, they paralyze their victims and then take their time devouring them alive. And they kill their mates in the same way, too. Strictly a one-sided romance."

"I don't intend to be restrained by timidity on the part of my own staff!"

"The Devil will find work for idle hands to do... but what happens when he chooses the laziest teen slacker in the world to do his dirty work?"

"The comedy that gives horror films the backhand."

"The touching story of a boy and his right hand."

"The film that give horror movies the finger."

"Come out, come out, wherever you are. [Molly stands on top of the diving board, The hand grabs her foot] GOTCHA! Come to Daddy...bitch! [As she hangs off the side of the dive board, a portal opens up] NOW, YOU WILL BE MY NIGHTMARE HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! PREPARE TO DIE"

"[In the Alternate Ending as he traps Molly in the swimming pool] Now little piggie, where the fuck are you??"

"[Before his death, The hand prepares to attack Anton one last time] DIE YOU FUCKER!!! [Debi throws the dagger towards the hand striking it dead.] SHIT!!!! [The Hand dies]"

"I'm gonna kill you real slow Anton....[his eyes roll in the back of his head] Oh Shit! [The Hand falls out of the puppet outfit and to the ground]"

"[As he's about to kill Tanya] WELCOME TO MY WORLD...BITCH!!!!"

"You forgot where ya came from kid..but I know where you're going."

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today because you're all dead... and it's all my fault. Mom, Dad, you fed me, kept a roof over my head until I killed you. Which I guess doesn't make me a very good son. But, I'm gonna try to change. [hand twitches] Mick, Pnub I'll never forget all those times we sat around, watched TV and got really, really stoned. And all those other times we just... well I guess that's all we did. [picks flowers from garden and throws them over the 'graves'] Amen."

"I'm in the mood for some SERIOUS Killing."

"Robert Englund - The Voice of the Hand"

"Vivica A. Fox - Debi LeCure"

"Jack Noseworthy - Randy"

"Fred Willard - Mr. Tobias"

"Steve Van Wormer - Curtis"

"Jessica Alba - Molly"

"Elden Henson - Pnub"

"Seth Green - Mick"

"Devon Sawa - Anton Tobias"

"Get your hands on this hot new horror comedy!"

"[about Wallace] He hasn’t called me in 3 days. I’m worried..."

"A Truly Transformative Tale"

"Is man indeed a walrus at heart?"

"Man is the most dangerous animal."

"Let me tell you a story..."

"Johnny Depp - Guy LaPointe"

"Haley Joel Osment - Teddy Craft"

"Genesis Rodriguez - Ally Leon"

"Justin Long - Wallace Bryton"

"Michael Parks - Howard Howe"

"[groans while holding stomach] You just had to have the second slider. You just HAD to HAVE the second slider. Oof..."

"The 'unted is always "mister", the 'unter is always "monsieur"."

"[about the crime scene] Oh, yes... It is one fuck of a bummer to look at, I can tell you that."

"It's good to cry. It separates us from the animals. Shows you have a soul."

"But you...you bring me back. You make me feel beautiful again and cherished. You give me my humanity."

"I'm so scared. This guy wants to turn me into an animal or something..."