"They say in Latin, "In vino veritas". Wine tells the truth. Use this to write down the addresses of those bastards who killed my captains. And not where they were last week but where they are *now*, where they are this minute, and better yet, where they are going to be tomorrow. You know where they are going to be tomorrow, right?"

"I feel like a traitor."

"You worry about getting me what I want. I worry about myself."

"You like baseball? We need lights for the parks, so kids can play at night. So they can be safe. So they can play baseball. So they don't become burros para los malones. Everyone likes baseball. Everyone likes parks."

"This may be your last chance to do this. Now get out of the car and shoot him in the head! Just shoot him!"

"Not in the doll. The doll is cocaine."

"I'm on the board of my son's school, I have fundraisers for adult literacy at my own home. I think I have a right to know if my husband is a legitimate business man."

"Hi, I'm Caroline, and I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic. I mean, I don't really like to drink. For someone my age it's a lot easier to get drugs than it is to get alcohol. I guess I'm angry. I mean, I think I'm really angry about a lot of stuff. I'm just not sure what."

"My name is Robert. And my wife, Barbara and I are here to support our daughter Caroline. And we're here to listen."

"If there is a war on drugs, then many of our family members are the enemy. And I don't know how you wage war on your own family."

"All I want you to do is, acknowledge this, wonderful connection between us, and, love me." "Yeah... I could do that.""

"A little something to offend everyone..."

"Andrew Sachs - Gerard"

"John Hurt - Jesus Christ"

"Charlie Callas - Soothsayer"

"Barry Levinson - Column Salesman"

"Hugh Hefner - Roman outside Temple of Eros"

"Paul Mazursky - Roman officer"

"Mary-Margaret Humes - Miriam"

"Bea Arthur - Dole office clerk"

"Sid Caesar - Chief Caveman"

"Shecky Greene - Marcus Vindictus"

"Andreas Voutsinas - Béarnaise"

"Spike Milligan - Monsieur Rimbaud"

"Pamela Stephenson - Mademoiselle Rimbaud"

"Gregory Hines - Flavius Josephus"

"Ron Carey - Swiftus Lazarus"

"Cloris Leachman - Madame Defarge"

"Harvey Korman - Count de Monet"

"Madeline Kahn - Empress Nympho"

"Dom DeLuise - Emperor Nero"

"Mel Brooks - Moses, Comicus, Tomas de Torquemada, Louis XVI of France and Jacques le Garçon de Pisse"

"Orson Welles - Narrator"

"Brooks casts his comedic eye at humanity's past and... seems to view our story as one of big guys keeping little guys down. To quote the film's most famous line: "It's good to be the king." ...King Louis XVI (Brooks) goes clay pigeon shooting with peasants, where a man is thrown in prison for saying the lower classes "ain't so bad" and where the Roman Senate angrily shouts "F**k the poor!" Brooks doesn't merely lampoon economic injustices. Sexism, racism, anti-Semitism and human cruelty in general are all satirized... If there is a running theme in Brooks' view of major historical events..., it is that people with money and power have great lives. For people without those things — or who belong to marginalized groups in general — life stinks. ..the genius of "History of the World" is that it manages to subtly convey Brooks' social critiques in the packaging of a zany Borscht Belt comedy. If climate change and pollution destroy the human race, and an alien civilization was to find just one work of art to understand the human condition, I can't think of anything better than "History of the World." This is not being said in jest. "History of the World" captures one of the greatest joys of human existence — the ability to laugh — even as it recounts some of the most important events in our collective story. Perhaps most significantly, it chronicles the stupidity and selfishness that will have led to our downfall."

"Mel Brook's History of the World - Part I shows its stripes right from the opening scene. In this Dawn of Man episode, apelike creatures rise up from the mud, learning to stand erect and reaching nobly toward the heavens. Then they begin bumping, grinding, rutting, gyrating and otherwise slipping back to the slime from whence they came. The movie, like these primitives, delights in being lowdown. Even by prehistoric standards, Mr. Brooks's latest comedy is especially crude... There are loads of familiarly funny gags in the film... But the movie is so sour that its humor is often undermined, because so many of the jokes are either mean-spirited or scatological, or both. Women are either explicitly predatory or stupidly decorative, and homosexuals are made fun of regularly. Bathroom jokes are everywhere. Flamboyantly bad taste, which Mr. Brooks raised to the level of supreme wit in his Springtime for Hitler number in The Producers, is this time just bad. A musical number about the Spanish Inquisition, with Mr. Brooks playing a torturer who merrily abuses Jews, is about as crashingly unfunny as a musical number can be...In Rome, we... watch a gladiator on an unemployment line, being asked... Did you kill last week? Did you try to kill last week?... As a waiter at the Last Supper, Mr. Brooks is seen asking the apostles whether they'd like separate checks. As Moses, addressed by the Lord, he mutters: Yes, I hear you, I hear you. A deaf man could hear you!"

"IN MEL WE TRVST"

"Ten million years in the making. The truth, the whole truth, and everything, but the truth!"

"Eric Idle:"

"Terry Gilliam:"

"John Cleese:"

"Graham Chapman:"

"Terry Jones:"

"Michael Palin:"

"Maria de Medeiros – Fabienne"

"Harvey Keitel – Winston Wolfe"

"Steve Buscemi – Buddy Holly"

"Rosanna Arquette – Jody"

"Eric Stoltz – Lance"

"[to Butch] The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts. It never helps. You fight through that shit."

"Frank Whaley – Brett"