"[Betty is confiscating inappropriate items from Gwen's bag] An eyelash curler? And what am I going to do with that? Stab myself? Curl my tongue to death?"

"[After crashing into Lily's wedding cake and ruining it] Don't worry, I'll replace it. Okay?"

"God, I love afternoons like this. You know what's missing in this afternoon? That I don't have a very dry vodka martini with two olives in a chilled glass. God, I miss that."

"I understand. Marry a cute girl, move to the suburbs, spend your weekends mowing. You'll never want to do coke again."

"Santa Cruz watcher!"

"You don't have to live my shitty little life, and until you do, do not tell me to give up the one person who matters to me, okay! Because, I know, he's not perfect, but he's the one person that will show up, on my birthday, and he'll say, "I'm glad you were born!""

"I'm not a lesbian!"

"I am so tired by the way you people talk. You know, I mean, "one day at a time." What is that? I mean, like two, three days at a time is an option?"

"Oh, so our therapist today is a very large, smelly, beast of burden."

"I am having a bad day! The worst damn day of my whole damn life! If it is not too much to ask will you all just back the fuck off!"

"Um, hey, um, listen, about the um, about that uh, jail thing... I-I-I- I can't. I-I I can't go. Um, uh, well, not because I don't want to go, but, um, it, uh, oh God, my hands, you know, they just keep doing that. That's not normal. I just-- there's something wrong with my hands-- um, well, with me. Cause, uh, what kind of person just jumps out of a- what kind of person jumps out of a window, you know? Because she can't sit still, you know? And be alone and, you know, in a room, without-- You know a person should be able to just be alone, right? You know, human beings should be able to just breathe. I can't breathe. And I feel that I think I know-- I think I know that if I go to jail... like this, you know, I'll die, and, uh, I don't wanna die."

"You know, your carpet is filthy. And I only bring that up because carpet grit's responsible for a lot of major health problems. And that's the last thing that you need around here."

"Yeah, I know I drink a lot, I know I do because I'm a writer and that's what I do, I drink. I'm not like those people out there, I can control myself! I can, if - that - if I wanted to, I could, if I wanted. I can! I can!"

"Well, there's my excuse. I'm late because my tits caught on fire."

"Thank God for bar cars."

"Jack Gwaltney - PFC. Rowan"

"Dale Dye - Capt. Hill"

"Dan Martin - Hawthorne"

"Ving Rhames - Lt. Reilly"

"Erik King - Cpl. Brown"

"John Leguizamo - PFC. Antonio Diaz"

"Thuy Thu Le - Tran Thi Oanh/Girl on Bus"

"John C. Reilly - PFC. Herbert Hatcher"

"Don Harvey - Cpl. Thomas E. Clark"

"Sean Penn - Sgt. Tony Meserve"

"Michael J. Fox - PFC Eriksson"

"It's not the enemy you fight to kill, but the innocent you fail to save."

"Even in war… murder is murder."

"This goddamn thing's turnin' us on our heads, man! I mean, Just because any of us at any second might be blown away, everybody's acting like we can do anything, man! And it don't matter what we do! But I'm thinkin' maybe it's the other way around. You know, maybe the main thing is just the opposite. Because we might be dead in the next split second, we gotta be extra careful what we do. Jesus, man, maybe it matters more than we even know."

"On the day I was born, my momma grunted. I popped out. Took one look around. "Shit!" I says. It's Two Creeks, Texas." So about eight years ago I'm still in Two Creeks. My wife's about to give birth to her first child. I took her to the hospital, natural thing to do. Well, she was refused admittance to this hospital on the basis of her race- which is, as you might guess, Negro. Next thing I know the baby ain't about to wait. And so my son is born on the goddamn floor of this hospital's reception room… Eriksson, I flipped the fuck out. I started turnin' over chairs, kickin' lamps- wasn't long before I was in jail. Now, wasn't I on the side of righteousness? So what was I doing in jail? What I was doing, let me advise you, was fixin' to shoot some mothafuckas working in that hospital, that's what I was doing."

"A VC sympathizer can get killed real easy, don't you know that? Somebody stumbles, they don't mean to shoot you, they're sorry…friendly fuckin' casualty. I mean, a body bag's a body bag, right?"

"Oh, you wanna take an attack posture wit' me? Yeah, you got a weapon. Clark got a weapon, Clark got a knife! We all got weapons! Anybody can blow anybody away, any second. Which is the way it ought to be. Always."

"Cary Grant - T.R. Devlin"

"Fay Baker - Ethel"

"Eberhard Krumschmidt - Emil Hupka"

"Ricardo Costa - Dr. Julio Barbosa"

"Charles Mendl - Commodore"

"Wally Brown - Mr. Hopkins"

"Alex Minotis - Joseph, Sebastian's Butler"

"Ivan Triesault - Eric Mathis"

"Moroni Olsen - Walter Beardsley"

"Reinhold Schünzel - Dr. Anderson"

"Leopoldine Konstantin - Madame Anna Sebastian"

"Louis Calhern - Captain Paul Prescott"

"Claude Rains - Alexander Sebastian"

"Ingrid Bergman - Alicia Huberman"