"Er...hello? Is this thing on? Cool. This message is going out to the Round Table Conference, and a very personal and heart-filled shout-out to the queen bitch herself, Miss Hellsing! All right! Your ass is currently being kicked by the Valentine Brothers! My name is Jan Valentine, and I can't wait to meet each and every one of you. We'll be getting intimate as soon as me and the boys finish lunch, so let me be the first to thank you for providing us with these tasty snacks! By tomorrow, Hellsing will be nothing more than a pile of shit. You got nowhere left to run and nowhere to hide. ‘Cause now, I’m gonna kill you. I want to see you cry and beg. In the meantime, I highly recommend pissing yourselves, followed by a course of praying to your impotent God! But hey! You can try being a man and just kill yourselves. Thank you, London! We love you! GOODNIGHT!"

"(pinned by Seras) "FUCK! Ow! Lemme go! I'm supposed to be on top, bitch!""

"Up, up! Down, down! Left, right, left, right! Bringing the motherfucking death by Konami! Man, I'm so fucking hard right now."

"Fuck, these are some fine cigars. Like, all bourgeois and shit. I mean, come on, that's just fucked up! People are starving in the world, and she's wasting money on this? A slow and agonising death is too good for that stick-up-her-ass bitch. I think it's time someone gave her an old-fashioned working-class asskicking!"

"Little Hellsing chickie, we're coming to find you. Come out and play, little Hellsing. I promise it's going to be a lot of fun. We just want to torture you, kill you, maybe skullfuck your corpse a couple of times, burn your house to the ground, and go home and masturbate, okaaay?"

"See, I so fucking told you! Ha ha ha! Well, since I'm fucked, how about I piss a little wisdom on you dipshits? You can take this clue and shove it up your ass, bitch! Beware...the Millennium!"

"(After Walter kills a few of Jan's Ghouls) "Oh man, that's fucking great. Cause I gotta tell ya, plowing through you guys was really starting to bore the fuck outta me!""

"What up, bitch?"

"I'm the huntress, Rip van Winkle. Tinker, tailor, soldier, sailor - my bullet punishes all without distinction."

"Back when Cowboy Bebop was in production, we never knew that Japanese anime would have any impact overseas, so we totally didn't see Westerners being exposed to the show. We just made what we enjoyed making, and the fact that it got accepted in the west at all was the most surprising thing. I grew up with US movies so it made me very happy that Americans liked my things, because I was raised on their things, in a way. The moment that made the biggest impact on me here did involve Edward, because Edward was a character I made thinking that no person existed like her in real life. But when I went to Texas, there was someone cosplaying as Ed, and it was like they'd stepped out of the anime. It was completely her if she had been living. How's that for a big impact?"

"Tom: Mayor."

"Mayor: It's what we like to call Irritable Semen Syndrome. That would explain the burning and the rash."

"Tom: Tom Peter's phone."

"Tom: Ok here we go. Alright let's take it from the top. 1,2,3,4 (singing) You're guaranteed to sleep. If we don't ask for you customer code, your second mattress is half-"

"Tom: (In his bedroom, singing to himself) If we don't ask for you costum (clears throat) If we don't ask for your customer code your waterbed will be 10 percent off oooff ff."

"Mayor: Wow Tom this is really what I had in mind. Great video, great directing."

"Tom: (sighs) Alright here we go again. Now Saxman just try and focus with me here. Action!"

"Mayor: Wow Lou, I gotta tell you this is just one heck of a."

"Tom: (crying in fetal position on the floor of The Mayor's office) I want my son back!"

"Dr. Ian Black: Steven, I've been reviewing your charts and I think I may have a solution for your sticky problem."

"Tom: Ahhh would you just go to hell!"

"Dr. Michael: Hey Mayor, your boyfriend's getting out of control."

"Tom: Great set man, cool really cool."

"Tom: Hi, I'm Tom Peters and for years I've not been able to control my unpleaseant and embrassing CNE but thanks to taking Provolanaproxalidamine-C, five times per day. My sheets, my bed, and my wife are all dry again."

"Tom: This is gonna be delicious are they, Friends?"

"Doctor: Well there's really two ways to treat CNE. The first and easist is the simply examine your relationship with your wife."