"That was a hippo. They're omnivorous. They're fast as a horse over short distances, and they have the bite force of 8100 newtons. HOW DO I KNOW THIS?!"

"Yes. Cake is my weakness."

"YOU JUST PUSHED ME OUT THE HELICOPTER, JACKASS!"

"Don't call me a dumbass."

"Oh, no. You got allergies, Spencer? Huh? I DON'T HAVE THE TOP TWO FEET OF MY BODY!"

"Where's the rest of me?"

"I got a backpack on. You don't get in water with a backpack, everybody knows that."

"How is strength my weakness?"

"Nosebleed Woman: I'm sorry, I've got blood on your shirt. But don't worry, there are many ways to remove bloodstains from clothing. One way is to rinse the clothes with cold water then rub with sea salt. Another way is to scrub the stains with cotton wool dipped in ammonia. The third way is to mix flour and water into a paste, like toothpaste, especially if the clothes are delicate or brightly coloured. But just never use warm water on blood, ever."

"Rachel Weisz - Shortsighted Woman"

"The Limping Man: Hello everyone. My mother was left on her own when my father fell in love with a woman who was better at math than she was. She had a post graduate degree I think, whereas my mother was only a graduate. I was nineteen at the time. My mother entered the hotel, but didn't make it and was turned into a wolf. I really missed her. I found out she had been moved to a zoo. I often went there to see her. I'd give her raw meat. I knew that wolves liked raw meat, but I couldn't figure out which of the wolves was my mother so I used to give a little bit to each of them. One day I decided to enter the enclosure. I really missed her and I wanted a hug. I climbed the fence and jumped in. All the wolves charged at once and attacked me; all but two who stood motionless. My guess is that one of those two must have been my mother. The zoo guards got to me quite quickly and took me to the hospital. Thankfully I didn't lose my leg. I just have this limp, which is also my defining characteristic. My wife died six days ago. She was very beautiful and I loved her very much. She had a limp too."

"Jessica Barden - Nosebleed Woman"

"Can I come to your room sometime for a chat? I could give you a blowjob. Or you could just fuck me. I always swallow after fellatio and I've got absolutely no problem with anal sex if that's your thing. My ex-husband always used to say I had the most beautiful thighs he'd ever seen, but let's not talk about him."

"Angeliki Papoulia - Heartless Woman"

"Olivia Colman - Hotel Manager"

"Loner Leader: We dance alone. That's why we only play electronic music."

"Ashley Jensen - Biscuit Woman"

"Trainer Waiter - Shooting Range: It's no coincidence that the targets are shaped like single people and not couples."

"He didn't burst into tears and he didn't think that the first thing most people do when they realise someone doesn't love them anymore is cry."

"Back then, he didn't know how much it hurts to be alone - how much it hurts when you cannot reach to rub pain ointment on your back and you are constantly in pain."

"That night, in my sleep, I dreamt that we lived in a big house together in the city with a large, well-lit kitchen, and I was wearing dark blue trousers and a tight cream blouse and he took my clothes off and fucked me up the ass."

"Colin Farrell - David"

"One day, as he was playing golf, he thought that it is more difficult to pretend that you do have feelings when you don't that to pretend you don't have feelings when you do."

"Some punishments are worse than other punishments. Having your thumb cut is worse than having your head shaved. And having a hot boiled egg under your armpit is worse than having your leg kicked. The punishment I am afraid of isn't the Red Kiss but another one, that is called the Red Intercourse."

"Ariane Labed - the Maid"

"Ewen MacIntosh - Hotel Guard"

"Roger Ashton-Griffiths - Doctor"

"Michael Smiley - Loner Swimmer"

"Léa Seydoux - Loner Leader"

"Ben Whishaw - Limping Man (John)"

"We developed a code so that we can communicate with each other even in front of the others without them knowing what we are saying. When we turn our heads to the left it means "I love you more than anything in the world" and when we turn our heads to the right it means "watch out, we're in danger". We had to be very careful in the beginning not to mix up "I love you more than anything in the world" with "watch out, we're in danger". When we raise our left arm it means "I want to dance in your arms", when we make a fist and put it behind our backs it means "let's fuck". The code grew and grew as time went by and within a few weeks we could talk about almost anything without even opening our mouths."

"Now the fact that you will turn into an animal if you fail to fall in love with someone during your stay here is not something that should upset you or get you down. Just think, as an animal you'll have a second chance to find a companion. But, even then, you must be careful; you need to choose a companion that is a similar type of animal to you. A wolf and a penguin could never live together, nor could a camel and a hippopotamus. That would be absurd."

"John C. Reilly - Lisping Man (Robert)"

"Jack Murdock - Hector Orteco"

"John Larroquette - X-Ray technician"

"George Gaynes - Dr. Wissenschaft"

"For God's sake, Arthur, is that how you imagine me? A respected and admired figure? A devoted father? A loving husband? Well, I've also published nearly two papers a year for the last seven years and not a fundamental piece of work in the lot. I sit around the living rooms of other young married faculty members talking infantile masturbation: "Who's sucking up to the head of the department?" "Whose tenure is hanging by a thread?""

"It's just possible I'm not mad, you know! I'm asking you to make a small quantum jump with me, to accept one deviant concept. That our other states of consciousness are as real as our waking state. And that reality can be externalized."

"Charles White-Eagle - The Brujo"

"Miguel Godreau - Primal man"

"Megan Jeffers - Grace Jessup"