"OOH, YOU MISERABLE BAGS OF BONES! PICK YOURSELVES UP, AND SALLY Fagghh- [jaw dislocates; he relocates it] SALLY Fagghh- [jaw dislocates again; he relocates it again] ...sally forth."

"Dig, damn you! Dig faster! I shall command every worm-infested son of a bitch that ever died in battle!"

"How about some hot chocolate? huh?"

"[Last Lines (Director's Cut)] Oh God...! No! NO! I SLEPT TOO LOOOOOOONG!!!!!!"

"[Last Lines (Theatrical Cut)] Hail to the king, baby!"

"[final monologue] Sure I could've stayed in the past. Could've even been king. But in my own way, I am king."

"[sets "Evil Ash" on fire, then swings towards him on a rope] TALLY HOOOO! [kicks him off the castle wall]"

"[crushing skeletons with boulders] OH, THAT'S GOTTA HURT!"

"Keep your damn filthy bones outta my mouth!"

"Klaatu Barada NNNNNNecktie. Nectar. Nickel. Noodle. It's an "N" word, it's definitely an "N" word! Klaatu... Barada... N [clears his throat into his hand, then pauses] Okay... that's it!"

"Three books? Wait a minute... hold it. Nobody said anything about three books! Ooh, that stinkin' wiseman! He was so busy fillin' me full of his secret little words and his phrases and his BULLSHIT, that he never said anything about this!"

"Good, bad... I'm the guy with the gun."

"[about to kiss Sheila] Gimme some sugar, baby."

"[trying out his new prosthetic gloved hand] Groovy!"

"It's a trick. Get an axe."

"Yo, she-bitch! Let's go!"

"First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. [spits out grape seed] Blow."

"All right, you primitive screw-heads, listen up! See this? This... is my 'BOOMSTICK!' [continuing nonchalantly] It's a twelve-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line. You can find this in the sporting goods department. That's right, this sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Retails for about $109.95. It's got a walnut stock, cobalt-blue steel, and a hair trigger. That's right... shop smart: shop S-Mart... YA GOT THAT?! Now I swear, the next one of you primates even touches me... [yells, shoots at the pit Deadite, then shoots again]"

"[looking through Fester's suitcase] Crowbar... dynamite... cyanide. Fester- as if we'd run out."

"Dan Hedaya — Tully Alford"

"Elizabeth Wilson — Dr. Greta Pinder-Schloss / Abigail Craven"

"Judith Malina — Grandma"

"Christopher Lloyd — Uncle Fester / Gordon Craven"

"Jimmy Workman — Pugsley Addams"

"Christina Ricci — Wednesday Addams"

"Raúl Juliá — Gomez Addams"

"Anjelica Huston — Morticia Addams"

"Fester: Three parts dynamite, with a nitroglycerin cap. It's perfect for small homes, carports and toolsheds."

"Grandma: Dinner's gonna be late. [goes outside chasing a cat] Here, boy! Here, boy!"

"[upon seeing that Fester is actually Gordon] I knew it! You are a fake!"

"[Pugsley is tied up, an apple in his mouth. He mumbles something to her] Don't be a baby. I know what I'm doing. [Raises and aims her crossbow]"

"[when asked about her Halloween costume] This is my costume. I'm a homicidal maniac- they look just like everyone else."

"[Listening to Thing's Morse Code] Morticia in danger stop. Send help at once stop."

"2, 10, 11- eyes, fingers, toes!"

"They say that a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client. And, with God as my witness, I am that fool!"