Time Enough for Love

"Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than one man. How's that again? I missed something."

"Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million men. Let's play that over again, too. Who decides?"

"What are the facts? Again and again and again — what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what "the stars foretell," avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable "verdict of history" — what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!"

"Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can't help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal, the execution is carried out automatically and without pity."

"God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent — it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these divine attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash and in small bills."

"The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa."

"Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house."

"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyse a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."

"Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil."

"The most preposterous notion that H. sapiens has ever dreamed up is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this flattery. Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays all the expenses of the oldest, largest, and least productive industry in all history."

"The second most preposterous notion is that copulation is inherently sinful."

"The shamans are forever yacking about their snake-oil "miracles." I prefer the Real McCoy — a pregnant woman."

"Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed."

"A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealousy in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity."

"One man's "magic" is another man's engineering. "Supernatural" is a null word."

"Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy."

"Never underestimate the power of human stupidity."

"Anything worth doing is worth overdoing."

"“My mistake and it may be my last one.” “Woodrow! Don’t talk that way!” “Sorry, dear. But there is always a last mistake.”"

"Love is what still goes on when you are not horny."

"Never do today what you can put off till tomorrow if tomorrow might improve the odds."

"If you are part of a society that votes, then do so. There may be no candidates and no measures you want to vote for, but there are certain to be ones you want to vote against. In case of doubt, vote against. By this rule you will rarely go wrong. If this is too blind for your taste, consult some well-meaning fool (there is always one around) and ask his advice. Then vote the other way. This enables you to be a good citizen (if such is your wish) without spending the enormous amount of time on it that truly intelligent exercise of franchise requires."

"Sovereign ingredient for a happy marriage: Pay cash or do without. Interest charges not only eat up a household budget; awareness of debt eats up domestic felicity."

"God split himself into a myriad parts that he might have friends. This may not be true, but it sounds good — and is no sillier than any other theology."

"Does history record any case in which the majority was right?"

"The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning, while those other subjects merely require scholarship."

"Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny."

"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors — and miss."

"Minimize your therbligs until it becomes automatic; this doubles your effective lifetime — and thereby gives time to enjoy butterflies and kittens and rainbows."

"Never try to outstubborn a cat."

"Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime. For a first offense, that is."

"The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: “Of course it is none of my business but — ” is to place a period after the word “but.” Don’t use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about."

"Natural laws have no pity."

"Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite."

"Political tags — such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, conservative, and so forth — are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. The former are idealists acting from highest motives for the greatest good of the greatest number. The latter are surly curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in altruism. But they are more comfortable neighbors than the other sort."

"Sin lies only in hurting others unnecessarily. All other "sins" are invented nonsense."

"Climate is what you expect, weather is what you get."

"“I came, I saw, she conquered.” (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.)"

"The historicity of Jesus is the slipperiest question in all history because for centuries the question couldn’t be raised. They would hang you for asking — or burn you at the stake."

"If heredity were not overwhelmingly more important than environment, you could teach calculus to a horse."

"I see no use in written marriage contracts; they can’t be enforced...whereas if the partners want to make it work, no written instrument is necessary."

"A man who refuses to take his own death into account in making plans is a fool. A self-centered fool who does not love anyone."

"It is hard to shake off any taboos a child is indoctrinated with in his earliest years. Even if he learns later that they are nonsense."

"I'll find a tutor — no, Laz, not a horizontal one. Don’t you ever think about anything else? (Come to think of it, dear, what else is worth thinking about? Money?)"

"He saw that he had committed the prime sin against survival: He had indulged in wishful thinking."

"The best thing about the future was that it was unknown. Cassandra’s one good quality was that she was never believed."