The Adventures of Ford Fairlane

"Un-fucking-believable!"

"So many assholes, so few bullets."

"Why do I wish the music industry and the whole globe would just suck my Dick Tracy?!"

"I am so terrifical, I even have my own toll-free number: 1-800-UNBELIEVABLE."

"What are you two, Neil and Bob? Or is that like what you do?"

"Have a Twinkie, Snapperhead."

"[notices his strat] Hey Zuzu. I found my guitar. I found my guitar. [brings it closer and notices it's scratched] It's all scratched up. It's all scratched up."

"Jazz: Maybe I should be thankful that was a foodless kiss."

"Neil: You couldn't even find a handle on a coffee cup."

"Kojak. Columbo. Dirty Harry. Wimps."

"He's on the money, off the record, and over the top."

"Meet Ford Fairlane. To his clients, he's the world's greatest rock n roll detective. To everyone else, he's just a dick."

"Ford Fairlane, rock 'n roll detective. To clients he's the greatest. To everyone else, he's just a dick."

"Private Detective. Public Offender."

"Andrew Dice Clay- Ford Fairlane"

"Wayne Newton - Julian Grendel"

"Priscilla Presley - Colleen Sutton"

"Lauren Holly - Jazz"

"Gilbert Gottfried - Johnny Crunch"

"Maddie Corman - Zuzu Petals"

"David Patrick Kelly - Sam the Sleaze Bag"

"Brandon Call - The Kid"

"Robert Englund - Smiley"

"Ed O'Neil - Lt. Amos"

"Vince Neil-Bobby Black"

"Morris Day - Don Cleveland"

"Sheila E. - Club singer"

"Lala Sloatman - Sorority Girl (credited as Lala)"

"Kari Wuhrer - Melodi"

"Linda Atkinson - Nona'"

"William Shockley - Punk Gunslinger"

"Mark Zuelke - Punk Gunslinger"