Mighty Aphrodite

"See, as the mainspring goes back and forth, the bishop keeps fucking her in the ass. It's a genuine antique and it keeps perfect time."

"And so there I am on the first day, on the set, and there's this guy fucking me from behind, right, and there's these two huge guys dressed like cops in my mouth at the same time and I remember thinking to myself, "I like acting. I wanna study.""

"I feel like I owe you a great fuck."

"There's a reason the horse is sixty to one though, y'know, he's probably got polio."

"I'm sure you're a state-of-the-art fellatrix."

"This guy's gonna put me in 27 separate Mason jars!"

"Adopt? What? I don't want to adopt. Not with my genes. I have award-winning genes."

"Woody Allen - Lennie Weinrib"

"Mira Sorvino - Linda Ash"

"Helena Bonham Carter - Amanda Weinrib"

"F. Murray Abraham - Greek Chorus leader"

"Michael Rapaport - Kevin"

"Olympia Dukakis - Jocasta"

"David Ogden Stiers - Laius"

"Jack Warden - Tiresias"

"Danielle Ferland - Cassandra"

"Peter Weller - Jerry Bender"

"Claire Bloom - Mrs. Sloan"