"Hello! I have been brought back through surgery and technological advancements to come and kill all emo children! You will die through a barrage of licks! You will die, and then I will take your emo bones, grind them up into a minty candy—kinda like Mentos, but it will be called Emos, and it will not be the Freshmaker, it will be the Pussymaker! "Oh, but I have emotions! I have emotions!" Fuck your emotions! Drink beer and fuck women!"

"I just wanted you guys to know that I will not be happy until I find some 18 year old girl who will let me rest my balls on her face like a pair of spooky glasses...that are wet...and were dropped on the barbershop floor...and smell"