Karl Pilkington

"My brain's just full of passwords"

"If there's one thing we haven't cracked yet in human civilsation, we've never been able to make a good wig. I wouldn't want a wig on me."

"I've never understood what pole dancing's about anyway. It's a waste of a good skill. Get into scaffolding or something."

"I don't cry. Water doesn't leave my head. I've got loads of gob. That's how water leaves me, it's not out of my eyes."