F.A.T.A.L.

"Crop stolen from a farmer who couldn’t care less about it"

"Decapitated head that is ugly enough to make 9 out of 10 little children cry"

"Decapitated head whose mouth is filled with the dung of the caster"

"The most difficult, detailed, realistic, and historically/mythically accurate role-playing game available."

"Two fundamentally different roles must be fulfilled for a game to occur, and hence this game requires at least two people. One person must assume the role of the Maim Master (hereafter referred to as the MM). While the MM does much more than maim, this is the nickname that has been acquired due to the frequency of injury to characters. MM’s do not create and role-play one character as do the players of the game. Instead, the MM directs the game, often acting as a referee or a storyteller."

"Whosoever dons this armor experiences an increase of 1d20 points of Intelligence in each sub-ability and is reduced to 80% of natural Height. The eyelids of the wearer will swell as though hit with a maul, and Vision is reduced to 25%. Most importantly, the Manhood or Cup Size is reduced to 50%. Strangely, the ass of the wearer will shrink, drop, and droop."

"Whosoever dons this armor will acquire a nose twice the size and a manhood half the size. Further, the wearer will become extremely greedy and fight to the death for one silver piece. Finally, the wearer acquires 2 inches of hair all over their body, resulting in halving their Facial Charisma and Bodily Attractiveness. While hairy, the wearer must bathe every 1d6 hours or smell foul. The armor may be removed at any time and the wearer will return to normal."

"Whosoever dons this armor experiences a loss of 1d100 points from each sub-ability of Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma. The ass of the wearer will grow by 50% and be abnormally high. If the wearer is male, then those around him are 80% likely to believe that his manhood has increased, though it has not. The skin of the wearer becomes cursed and dark as night. Disposition turns to UI. Temperament becomes phlegmatic. The eyes of the wearer are visible 3 miles away at night. The wearer will have a body odor for 1d10 feet. On the bright side, the Physical Fitness of the wearer increases by 10%. The armor may be removed at will."

"A marble shot from the vaginal depths of a pregnant prostitute"

"The juice on someone’s face who has just eaten a hairy snatch"

"grimoire of a mage who has raptophilia"

"Chastity belt of a woman who mysteriously became pregnant anyway"

"Ten logical reasons to cast this spell this time, written on parchment"

"Child who resulted from an orgy - reusable, just like the mother"

"A gemstone that has been worn in the concave chest of a loser for one month"

"Eggs of a lesbian"

"A dozen severed nipples in a jar - reusable for 1 year if stored in wine and sealed properly"

"Armpit hair of an athletic child abuser - reusable for 1 week"

"Severed big toe from an adult male with abnormally small feet - reusable for 6 months"

"Sweat off of the testicles of a crucified slave"

"The anally-inserted mast of a ship"

"An eel with rigor mortis"

"Semen from seamen"

"Leaf blown about by wind for at least one minute without contacting a solid object"

"Hair from a woman who has caused twenty males to smile widely in the last hour"

"Thoroughly sealed cunt-pipe of an elderly virgin - reusable until opened"

"The loose chin-skin of an elderly bastard - reusable for 3 days"

"A fingernail torn from the middle finger of a woman who fingers herself - reusable for 1 month"

"The tongue of a woman who fantasizes about small cocks"

"This crime entails many things, such as incest, child molestation, man-hating lesbians, and sodomy. In some cultures it is criminal to not be heterosexual, while other cultures are tolerant. These crimes result in the criminal being placed in the pillory, though crowds are usually incited to horrific responses toward sex offenders. In a pillory, a character stands with their head and hands pinned by a wooden frame. This is immensely popular since it is so cheap to administer. Usually, whoever is in the pillory can expect to be the target of missiles such as stones, dead animals, rotten eggs and vegetables, and feces. Sentences are limited, sometimes as short as an hour. Extreme mutilation is commonplace with sex offenders, such as plucking out their eyes."

"These criminals go to jail, where they are herded into cells with no sanitary provisions, heating, or bedding. They are manacled with irons, the heaviest of which weigh 40 lbs. The majority of cells are underground with small slits to access daylight and fresh air. Flogging is a daily occurrence. Sometimes, multiple prisoners are chained together by the neck. There is no gender segregation in these prisons, leading to rampant promiscuity."

"The anakim causes humans within one foot to desire anal sex according to their sexuality."

"Target’s skin turns black. MM may decide to levy appropriate penalties."

"Target’s skin turns into the color brown with the stench of defecation."

"Caster hallucinates that a giant, UI, rabid wallaby named Joe Son, [sic] is attempting to rape them."

"Caster begins to hallucinate that they have leprosy and their cock n’ balls/breasts [sic] are gonna [sic] fall off."

"Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Slicing the flesh, sculptured wounds my catharsis!”"

"Every time a spell is cast, must chant “You’re as ugly as the poo I left in your mama’s mouth!”"

"Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “My balls are tastier than all of yours combined!”"

"Caster writes 100x on the next tree they see: “My name is George…I eat shit for breakfast!”"

"Caster picks up a strange habit: fondling their balls/breasts in public, deliberately in front of bar-maids."

"Caster is forever unable to breathe unless their thumb is plugging up their butt."

"Target creature is far beyond driven to steal undergarments, and must do so once per day or lose 1 LP."

"Caster gives a vulgar display of power with their mouth for war by yelling, “I’m fucking hostile!”"

"Caster must end every sentence with the word ‘fatal.’"

"Caster is compelled to go to the nearest mountaintop and build a cottage."

"Caster literally shits a fucking brick—instantly!"

"Caster has an inexplicable love for ogres. MM decides how the ogres are loved."

"Every time a spell is cast, the caster says “Blood shall flow because killing is all we know!”"

"The next time the caster eats in a bar, they fart, burp, puke, and cough, all at the same time."