Cassandra Clare

"Sorry, are you telling me that your demon-slaying buddies need to be driven to their next assignation with the forces of darkness by my mom?"

"I forgot that's what gets you all hot and bothered, Jace. Girls killing things." "I like anyone killing things," He said equably, "Especially me."

"The nod means, 'I am a badass, and I recognize that you, too, are a badass.'"

"Demonic activity levels? Do they have a device that measures whether the demons inside the house are doing power yoga?"

"Seeing through glamour is easy. It's people that are hard."

"Unfortunately, Lady of the Haven, my one true love remains myself." "At least you don't have to worry about rejection, Jace Wayland." "Not necessarily. I turn myself down occasionally, just to keep it interesting."

"It's the Mortal Cup, Jace, not the Mortal Toilet Bowl."

"Drive fast, mundane. Drive like hell was following you."

"Wait a second." "I never understand why people say that," Luke said, to no one in particular. "I wasn't going anywhere."

"Well, you can go ahead and hang your head out of the car window if you feel like it." Luke laughed. "I'm a werewolf, not a golden retriever."

"That sounds terrific. Just you, your comatose wife, your shell-shocked son, and you daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention that your two kids may be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like a perfect family reunion."

"So she had a box. Lots of people have boxes. They keep things in them. It's a growing trend, I hear."

"Honestly Jace, don't you know better than to play with broken glass?"

"Was it weird hearing from Jace? I mean, since you found out . . ." "Yes? Since I found out what? That he's a killer transvestite who molests cats?" "No wonder that cat of his hates everyone."

"Do you think it was a coincidence?" "Do I think what was a coincidence?" "That we wound up in Pandemonium the same night that Jace and the others just happened to be there, pursuing a demon? The night before Valentine came for my mother?" Simon shook his head. "I don't believe in coincidences." "Neither do I." "But I have to admit, coincidence or not, it turned out to be a fortuitous occurrence."

"It's been so long that I think I was unsettled by the idea of feeling like I belonged anywhere. But you made me feel like I belong."

"I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?"

"I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt."

"I don't see anything you need protecting from here," said the boy. "Except some bad decor and a possible mold problem. But you can usually clear that up with bleach."

"Then again, it was Jace. He'd pick a fight with a Mack truck if the urge took him."

"I don't want to be a man. I want to be an angst-ridden teenager who can't confront his own inner demons and takes it out verbally on other people instead."

"A werewolf. Like everyone else here. Except you, and the asshole. And the asshole's sister."

"Jace hadn't seemed perturbed, but knowing him, Simon had no doubt he could kill several people in a single morning and go out for waffles afterward."

"Maybe I should ask for blessings on my mission against all those who wear white after Labor Day."

"However, there is something you should have. Something every Shadowhunter should have." "An obnoxious, arrogant attitude?"

"This kind of reminds me of the time my grandfather gave me his old golf clubs." "Yeah, except you never use those." "And I hope you never have to use that."

"Looks like a bite mark. What have you been doing all day, anyway?" "Nothing. I went walking in the park. Tried to clear my head." "And ran into a vampire?" "What? No! I fell." "On your neck?"

"You see, cuckoos are parasites. They lay their eggs in other birds' nests. When the egg hatches, the baby cuckoo pushes the other baby birds out of the nest. The poor parent birds work themselves to death trying to find enough food to feed the enormous cuckoo child who has murdered their babies and taken their places." "Enormous? Did you just call me fat?" "It was an analogy." "I am not fat."

"I was trained to be an evil mastermind from a young age. Pulling the wings off flies, poisoning the earth's water supply - I was covering that stuff in kindergarten. I guess we're all just lucky my father faked his own death before he got to the raping and pillaging part of my education, or no one would be safe."

"I'm not sure anyone can make Jace do anything. But I think you can remind him that he has something to live for."

"It was like a bad movie, except he didn't actually twirl his mustache."

"Yeah, he's terrified I'll tell everyone that he's always really wanted to be a ballerina."

"Does he normally just lie on the floor like that without moving?"

"Nearly unlimited supernatural power, and all you do is use it to watch reruns. What a waste."

"We need to talk. All of us. About what we're going to do now." "I was going to watch Project Runway. It's on next."

"Magnus snapped his fingers again, menacingly. "Get up." "Or you'll be the next one to go up in smoke," said Simon with relish. "There's no need to clarify my finger snap. The implication was clear in the snap itself.""

"I love round tables. They suit me so much better than a square."

"Is standing by the window muttering about blood something he does all the time?" "No, sometimes he sits on the couch and does it."

"He's quoting Dungeons and Dragons. Ignore him."

"We seem to be trapped in an episode of One Life to Waste. It's all very dull."

"Sure. And Madonna wants me as a backup dancer on her next world tour."

""They can't be worse than vampires. And you did all right with them." "Did all right with them? By which I take it you mean we survived?" "Well. . ." "Faeries," Jace went on, as if Simon hadn't spoken, "are the offspring of demons and angels, with the beauty of angels and the viciousness of demons. A vampire might attack you, if you enter its domain, but a faerie could make you dance until you died with your legs ground into stumps, trick you into a midnight swim and drag you screaming underwater until your lungs burst, fill your eyes with faerie dust until you gouged them out at the roots-" "Jace!" Clary snapped."

"Never doubt my weaseling abilities, Shadowhunter, for they are epic and memorable in their scope."

"Isabelle with her whip and boots and knives would chop anyone who tried to pen her up in a tower into pieces, build a bridge out of the remains, and walk carelessly to freedom, her hair looking fabulous the entire time."

"Traded him for Alec," Clary said. "Not permanently." "No," said Jace. "Just for a few hours. Unless I don't come back. In which case, maybe he does get to keep Alec. Think of it as a lease with an option to buy." "Mom and Dad won't be pleased if they find out." "That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?" Simon inquired. "No, probably not."

"Every time I annoy him, he retreats into his No Mundanes Allowed tree house."

"That does it, I'm going to get you a dictionary for Christmas this year." "Why?" "So you can look up 'fun.' I'm not sure you know what it means."

"Faeries have no sense of humor." "Oh, I wouldn't say that. There's a pixie nightclub downtown called Hot Wings. Not that I have ever been there."

"Well, I'm not kissing the mundane. I'd rather stay down here and rot." "Forever? Forever's an awfully long time." "I knew it. You want to kiss me, don't you?"

"Meanwhile," Simon added, "I wanted to tell you that lately I've been cross-dressing. Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. I thought you should know."