Can't Buy Me Love

"[to Cindy] You can do anything you want, anything you put your heart and mind into!"

"You ignored the Ronald Miller geek for seventeen years, now you want to ride the Ronnie Miller express!"

"[to his dad, about his brother] Here is the prime example. You're raising a doll-chopping homicidal maniac, and what do you do every time you see him? You give him money. Great!"

"[Talking to Cindy outside her house] I need to talk to you. Every time I call, you're either taking a bath, washing your hair or you're out of the country. That was a good one, by the way."

"[to Cindy] Oh! You-- You demolished me New Year's Eve. But see-- I realize you did me a favor. You brought me back to reality. All I ever wanted to do was get close to you. And then, when I finally got there, it wasn't me anymore."

"Guys, take a look at my forehead... do you see a sign that says information?"

"[to Ronald] Iris? Oh yeah, she's a big conquest. She's given more rides than Greyhound!"

"[at a party] You! Even Bobby thinks we went out. Great, huh? Ha! All of you thought we were a couple. What a joke!... Ronald Miller paid me 1,000 bucks to pretend I liked him. What a deal, huh? $1,000 to go out with him for a month. This guy. Oh, God. He bought me. And he bought all of you. He was sick and tired of being a nobody. Yeah, and he said that all of you guys would worship him if we went out. And I didn't believe that. I was, like, no way! And he was right! No, leave me alone. He was right. Our little plan worked, didn't it, Ronald? The dance. That stupid dance! What a bunch of followers you guys are. I mean, at least I got... At least I got paid."

"[to Ronald] Popularity isn't perfect. I mean, it almost feels like a job sometimes. Do you remember that suede outfit? Yeah, well that was me trying to fit in. I have to work at it, so does everyone else."

"Chuckie Miller: [about Ronald's card nights] Cards with the tards. Who could beat a night of cards, chips, dips and dorks?"

"Patty: [about Ronald] I mean, he went from totally geek, to totally chic!"

"Kenneth: [to Ronald] You shit on my house!"

"Jock: Look - it's a nerd herd!"

"Patrick Dempsey - Ronald Miller"

"Amanda Peterson - Cindy Mancini"

"Courtney Gains - Kenneth Wurman"

"Tina Caspary - Barbara"

"Seth Green - Chuckie Miller"

"Sharon Farrell - Mrs. Mancini"

"Darcy DeMoss - Patty"

"Dennis Dugan - David Miller"

"Cloyce Morrow - Judy Miller"

"Devin DeVasquez - Iris"

"Cort McCown - Quint"

"Eric Bruskotter - Big John"

"Gerardo Mejía - Ricky"

"Ami Dolenz - Fran"

"Max Perlich - Lester"