Bill Allred

"That's her psychic cock waking her up."

"Don't look at me weird. I'm sandwich crazy."

"Nothing cleans my palette like a polka."

"I'm telling you, back in those Wendover days, it wasn't that hard to get it out of me."

"Mmmmmm......assey."

"It's only due to modern technology that you can be as pleasingly plump as you are."

"Since my mother shaved her Hitler mustache, we look nothing alike."

"Nothing will wilt spinach like an Egyptian fart."

"Let's go stomp those weirdies for Jesus!"

"Wouldn't you like a nose like his full of quarters?"

"I'm not a bottom poker and I never have been."

"I've got a woolly worm for ya!"

"There isn't anything on you, body or brain, that thinks."

"I'm gonna go home and spank the clown."

"People who read my magazine wax their turtles all the time. - as Larry Flynt"

"You treat your food like a scab."

"Apparently they have The Clap at The Planetarium."

"My prostate thanks the car wash."

"I always thought Steve Guttenberg had crabs."

"I saw a picture of Lou Reed and David Bowie standing together and it looked like an AD for jerky."

"Her and her colostomy bag look forward to spending the holidays together."

"The juice is guilt."

"I'm afraid of passing out in the pit."

"You make my ass hurt!"

"Don't you know who I am!? I'm Chetwar Balabafoo!"

"I'm telling you, some of them gizzards are good!"

"I wasn't prepared for what Dora was explorin'."

"Life is like a bowl of old bread."

"I always say, "Don't let your meat loaf.""

"You know, that's the first time I've ever been able to smell a website."

"I gotta go pinch off a norbit."

"Barbaro dog food is dog-gone good."

"You're a quirky doctor aren't you? Good, because I have a sore quirky."

"Billy Dee Williams once had a one-night stand with Neil Simon."

"Hey, would you like a date? I have a hammer!?"

"Words can hurt, you stupid bitch."

"If I'm gonna poke something into it, it's not going to be my finger."

"Take my prostate, please!"

"I hope that holds the little bastards."

"I never cry over pie."

"She was no breath freshener, I can tell you that right now."

"I let the baby drink the butter."

"I'm gonna have to scrape off my Dick Trickle sticker."

"You clutched my personal hair and ripped it out by the roots."

"I used to wear food briefs. They were crumby."

"I like cock."

"Hello!? Stop by for coitus!"

"Hey, Dad, I'm going to reassemble this magpie carcass."

"I'm too hot to mate."

"You haven't tasted my mouth! God!"