Alex Jones

"I like women, not men! And if I liked men, I’d be proud of it and have a lot of em. But I ain’t never been in bed with no man. I’ve been in bed with probably 300 women."

"Ben Shapiro is the herpes on our ass."

"Yes, our kids belong to you, boys are out of Boy Scouts, no more father and mother, yes, yes, yes. Whatever you say, Hillary. Whatever you say Pelosi. Whatever you say Shapiro. Yes, Mr. Shapiro. Oh god you're so manly! That face you make, you scare me! God Almighty, you might tear my arm out of my socket! You might skull annihilate me, you're powerful! You've got the manhood I want, Shapiro! Sorry, go ahead, Rodger. Roger! Shapiro's too powerful!"

"(in Bernie Sanders's voice) I bankrupt stuff, I live in three millon dollar houses drive hundred thousand dollar cars And www-white people ddon't know what is like to be poor! Look at me, I have Einstein looking hair! Its called a gimmick!"

"I'm ready to kill people, I'm sick of this. Not literally. The point is I'm getting sick of this crap. Let's just give all our kids to the child molesters, goddammit! Excuse me. You know, I'm not saying Lord's name in vain, I want these people damned to hell! I'm literally praying, God, damn them to Hell! That's not the Lord's name in vain! I mean that! I don't take God in vain [sic] but we ought to have a prayer called the Goddamnit Prayer! God damn them to hell, please! You think Charlton Heston in Planet of the Apes, when he realizes this is Earth and all his family died 10,000 years before and he's come back through a wormhole, and everybody he knows is dead and he's saying, God damn them to Hell! You bastards! You blew it all up! God damn you! He's not taking lords name in vein! He's saying God damn them! God damn them! God damn them! God fucking damn them to Hell!"

"Look, here's the thing, I'm gonna be honest with you: I- I'm kinda retarded."

"He says, 'Alex Jones and the white supremests are saying go to the people's houses and kill the parents, and we have to take him off the air because he says kill the parents, there's no free speech for killing parents' and I'm like 'dude, do not say that, I'm gonna get killed.' I mean, I've never said nobody died at Parkland, and I sure as hell didn't say, 'Kill their parents.'"

"And you've got a lot of people saying let's not topple the dictatorship in Venezuela even though it threatened the US and other countries and is collapsing and the people are begging don't do it and I tend not to want regime change where we overthrow some ally like Egypt and put someone like ISIS or Al Qaeda in, or do we stand by and let an thousand plus people starve and cause a collapse into the US border which the UN is helping to foment? That's a real territorial threat. That's a real national emergency. That's first year geopolitics for you here is where I may be right. I may not want intervention in Venezuela."

"I mean, how do I get a fair trial with stuff like this? I’ve never said this guy's name. Never said his name, until now. And obviously first it’s "we don’t know, he’s got gunshot wounds or whatever." Now it’s, well, apparent suicide. I mean, is there going to be a police investigation? Are they going to look at the surveillance cameras? I mean, what happened to this guy? This whole Sandy Hook thing is, like, really getting even crazier. We have no idea whether he was even murdered at this point. Why would some anti-gun guy do this? This is really sad. My prayers go out to him and his family and we wish for the truth of whatever really happened here to come out. We don't know yet. And we'll see the corporate media say outrageous lies, but it's what they do. And look, the good news of no collusion, the good news that I'm not a Russian agent comes out, and now this happens right on time. Just amazing."

"You think when you call up, “Oh we’ll protect you. We found the child porn.” I like women with big giant tits and big asses. I don’t like kids like you goddamn rapists. Eff-heads. In fact, delete this: you fucks are going to get it. You fucking child molesters. I’ll fucking get you in the end. You fucks. Now, we’re done right there. I know I, I know, I should have deleted it on radio. Probably still went out. I don’t care. You’re trying to set me up with child porn, i'm gonna get your ass. One million dollars, one million dollars, you little gang members. One million dollars to put your head on a pike. One million dollars, bitch. I’m gonna get your ass, you understand me now? You’re not going to ever defeat Texas, you sacks of shit, so you get ready for that…….And then now magically they want metadata out of hundreds of thousands of emails they got, and they know right where to go. What a nice group of Democrats. How surprising. What nice people. Chris Mattei. Chris Mattei. Let’s zoom in on Chris Mattei. Oh, nice little Chris—[pounds picture of Attorney Mattei’s face with fist]—Mattei. What a good American. What a good boy. You think you’ll put on me, what—[under his breath] I’m gonna kill.... [growls]. Anyway, I’m done! Total war! You want it, you got it! I’m not into kids like your Democratic party, you cocksuckers! So get ready!"

"Do you think I’d roll over and spray crap out my ass and show my belly and piss on myself and bow down to you? You just summoned war. So get ready. And I’m just asking the Pentagon and the patriots that are left and 4Chan and 8Chan and Anonymous and anybody that’s a patriot. I am under attack. And if they bring me down, they’ll bring you down. I just have faith in you. I’m under attack. And I summon the meme war, I summon it all against the enemy. I will never sell out to these people."

"You've chosen the path of pain!"

"I'll admit it. I will eat my neighbors. I'm not letting my kids die. I'm just going to be honest. My superpower is being honest. I've extrapolated this out and I won't have to for a few years 'cause I got food and stuff, but I'm literally looking at my neighbors now and going: I'm ready to hang them up and gut them and skin them and chop them up, you know what? I'm ready. My daughters aren't starving to death, I'll eat my neighbors. See, my superpower is being honest, I'll eat your ass. I will! I'm combat model, optimal self-sufficiency, probably the leader. The point is have you thought about that yet because I'm somebody that thought he could fix this and I'm starting to think about having to eat my neighbors. You think I like sizing up my neighbor, how I gonna haul him up by a chain and chop his ass up? I'll do it! My children aren't going hungry! I will eat your ass! And that's why I why the globalists to know, I will eat your ass first. You're not we're gonna dig you out of those bunkers, we're gonna dig you out of those holes, you make us eat up let me tell you something right now: I swear to God if it's the last thing I do I'm gonna get my hands around your throat and you know that's why you're begging for peace right now. You should've thought about that when you turned down Christ a long time ago. You wanna meet with me you Satanist!? Meet with me!? How about you get on your knees to Christ, you meet with my boss right now! But you can't do it. You think you can meet with some low-level nobody? I'm nobody! You think Christ would eat somebody? He would never do that. I will. I'm not gonna watch my daughters starve to death. Now you could say that was a metaphysical hypothetical but it's really not. Let's just get past the jokes here. Every actuary and government study from South Africa to the United States to Germany to Russia to Japan to South America shows in about 7 days almost everyone commits murder for food. Within 14 days almost everyone resorts to cannibalism or commits suicide. Now I would commit suicide before I did that, but my children are my weak place. I'll barbecue your ass flat. I will eat you! So all you spirit cookers act all tough all day, how you're doing your little satanic rituals drinking blood and stuff, I'll drink you blood! You understand that? I will, I will hang your ass up and cut you into cutlets like a filet mignon and grill your ass before I watch my daughters starve to death. See now you took society and civilization as it was some joke you could piss on all day. Didn't you understand you unleash the animal? Once you unleash the beast! And you're not the beast! I don't claim I'm the most tough guy around, but compared to you I, compared to you, I'm Godzilla on steroids! But just for the courts and everything I'm joking around here, I'm not going to eat anybody. Just like I said if it'd came down to me alone I'd starve to death before I did it. When my babies come into the equation, I will cook your ass up so fast, and I tell 'em: Oh, I killed a cow out back baby, here it is because my babies ain't gonna die for your crap, your failure. I will eat your leftist ass like corn on the cob! I'm ready! You wanna worship Satan, well guess what!? You're about to meet something worse, you dumb sacks of crap! You been pissing on civilization your whole life not knowing it's men held it up. It was savages held it up, because we knew how bad we were and we didn't want you to let us loose. But now you demand we pull the fist out and just shove it into your teeth. So good! Before I'll sit there and live off starving Latin Americans and Africans I swear before God, I'll eat one of these globalists on a spit! Oh, I'm a performance artist like they say. Alex Jones isn't real. Everybody knows I'm as fake as they come."

"We are in charge of this planet, Not the globalists and not their machines. To the Jeff Bezos, and all the globalist technocrats, and Tim Cook, and their slave camps in China, and all their evil they try to cover up with Black Lives Matter, Marxism, and the cop-killing, I say to you, ‘Your technocracy is dead on arrival.’ You understand that? We are in charge of the planet! Not Soros and not Satan! Do you Understand that Soros! You pathetic maggot! We're in charge not you, is that clear? Is that clear? You little maggot and your little maggot son! You understand that? You think you're going to have this fight and have robots winning? No! We'll defeat you and your god damn robots. You understand that? Damn you to hell, Satanist!"

"It is all over, we are about to be hit with nuclear weapons, the military stood down, everything is gone. So, I'm sorry, it is over. The country is gone, it is all over. I mean I'm not give up, I'm admitting the Death Star is orbiting the planet at maximum velocity. If we don't stop the globalists, if they aren't stopped, it is over. You think they just steal elections for no reason? You think they are saying veterans are terrorists for no reason? You think they are saying all white men are terrorists? Under this Chinese regime they are going to take all white men for reeducation, and then it will be every other group after that, because they know that white men, coming from a Scottish, Irish, English tradition, even the continent of Europe didn't get free until about a hundred fifty years ago. The German's were still serfs a hundred and fifty years ago, slaves, in the Austrian-Hungarian Empire, they were under a king. Military service, the Prussians were owned men, Prussians were sold as mercenaries. So, we had a bunch of wars in the British Isles over tribalism and who ran things and that grew into our system of freedom, that's where it all came from folks, it all comes out of England, it all comes out of Scotland, it all comes out of Ireland, that is where all the freedom comes from. Mainly England."

"The lights are home but nobody’s home."

"At least you're going to get some good Republicans elected, and we like you. But, my God, maybe you're not that bright. Maybe Trump's actually a dumbass."

"Authoritarians always blame whole groups. That's what the Left does, they're sick and they're evil."

"They're attempting to stop us here before this very important mission is launched. And that mission is taking place in the third heaven."

"When I say the Chinese are a inbred super mutant class that's in the genetics, and again remember, calling someone a mutant is not a bad thing, the X-Men and all that, which are fictional, but you know like it's good to be a mutant you understand, and the point is the Chinese do have some super geniuses of people. The point is you go to China and your like, 'well damn all these people look exactly the same like clones or something' kay, so the issue is there isn't a lot of genetic diversity."

"We gotta start building communities during the collapse and just say no satan worshipers allowed. Under the first amendment we can form churches that allow us to be only be amongst our own people of any race and creed but only Christians. We're going to have to declare it folks, and 100% just get with Christians. You're either going to be a Christian or you're going to be with the devil, that is the way it will be soon."

"I'll show you Muslims mass murdering black people and I'm not trying to attack the Muslims here, I'm just gonna show you what everybody is doing. Israel is doing a lot of bad stuff too, but just understand bringing in the Muslims, infact that is something I didn't get to, Israel wants to bring them here, I don't hate Israel, but you just take that rattlesnake, okay. I'm really mad about this, okay, this is a line in the sand, okay. You keep your little precious Muslims, alright."

"India was once twice the size it is today. Islamic forces have come very close to taking over whats left. Finally, under Modi India has woken up and is fighting for its very survival."

"Trump has got great genetics. He's tough and if he takes care of himself, he can make it through these years and then after. But, if he doesn't, he's gonna have. I predict Trump is going to have some type of collapse within the next 12 months of current trajectory. I'm not saying he's gonna collapse. I'm saying if he doesn't take his foot off the gas pedal ... if I had Trump's job at 51 for a month, I would have a nervous breakup."

"Your reputation is amazing. I will not let you down."

"This is the Alex Jones problem, Alex Jones is a very smart man with a lot of information at his disposal, however, sometimes he doesn't have the answer so he makes some shit up."