"Murray, you've got a rotten reputation. Even these guys weren't easy to grab. Why do you have to build your own perso…"

"Irving R. Feldman's birthday is my own personal national holiday. I did not open it up for the public. He is propriet…"

"You might call Nick a bastard... or a little bastard, depending on how whimsical you feel at the time."

"If things aren't funny then they're exactly what they are; and then they're like a long dental appointment."

"My simple child reaction of what you did is that you are not funny. Funnier than you is even Stuart Schlossman, who i…"

"Jason Robards — Murray Burns"

"Barbara Harris — Dr. Sandra Markowitz"

"Martin Balsam — Arnold Burns"

"Gene Saks — Leo Herman"

"William Daniels — Albert Amundson"