"The C.I.T's: [singing] We are the C.I.T.s so pity us. The kids are brats; the food is hideous. We're gonna smoke and drink and fool around. We're nookie-bound!... We are the North Star C.I.T.s!"

"[on loudspeaker] Important announcement: some hunters have been seen in the woods near Piney Ridge Trail and the Fish and Game Commission has raised the legal kill limit on campers to three, so if you're hiking today, please wear something bright and keep low. Good luck."

"[on loudspeaker] Attention. Camp North Star, senior staff, counselors, counselors-in-training, please rise for our national anthem. [plays bagpipe music] How about that anthem, huh? Gee, I don't know about you, but I just get a great big lump in my throat every time I hear it. Well, it's, uh, seven o'five in the, uh, AM and it's, uh... Wow! Forty-three degrees on the old Camp North Star weather dial. That is kind of nippy for a June twenty-five, isn't it? Whew. I'm Tripper Harrison. [gets out of bed] AHH!! AHHHHH!!! Ahhhhh, I'm your head counselor. And this is my wake-up show. I'll be coming at you every morning, about this time, hoping to make your summer camp experience the best available... in this price range. Of course, across the lake, over at Camp Mohawk, uh, they won't be getting up for another hour or so. And when they do, they will be awakened by servants bearing croissants and café au lait. [turns on the coffee and spits] Oops, hope I didn't hit anybody. But over here, at Camp North Star this morning, we're gonna be having a delicious gruel breakfast and don't forget to ask for seconds because it's all the gruel you can eat."

"[on loudspeaker] Attention, campers. Arts and crafts has been canceled due to bad taste. All junior girls are now junior boys...and Nurse DeMarco says that the raccoon fever epidemic is officially over."

"[enters the dance] Okay! Virgins on the right, non-virgins on the left. You fellas can divide them up any way you like."

"Guys, it’s important for us to hustle at both ends of the court. We gotta make the offense work. We gotta play that big tough D, we gotta contain their big men inside. We gotta crash the boards on offense. We can’t give them the baseline at any price. But more important than the score of this game is to score at the big social at our place tonight. So, I want you guys to go out there and protect your balls at any cost. Bruce Lee, patron of self defense, pray for us!"

"[on loudspeaker] Attention all campers! Uh, it's now 9:30 and that's lights out time; 9:30 as you know. Tomorrow is Parent's Day and you must look rested or Morty will be sent to the state penitentiary."

"[on loudspeaker] Attention! Here's an update on tonight's dinner. It was veal. I repeat, veal. The winner of tonight's mystery meat contest is Jeffrey Corbin who guessed "some kind of beef." Congratulations, Jeffery. You've just won a brand new Chrysler Cordoba and you can pick it up at Morty's office."

"[on loudspeaker] Attention, all campers. Afternoon swim schedule is as follows: Advanced Dolphins, report to the dock for survival swimming and IQ testing. All Senior Silverfish, meet on the beach for nude sunbathing. Junior Salmon, Trout and Herring, report to the nearest delicatessen. Six-year-old Tadpoles, report to the swamp. And all Lobsters, get outta here! You're a menace!"

"Freddie Prinze Jr. — Zack Siler"

"Tamara Mello — Chandler"

"Dulé Hill — Preston"

"Gabrielle Union — Katie"

"Kimberly 'Lil' Kim' Jones — Alex"

"Usher Raymond — Campus DJ"

"Elden Henson — Jesse Jackson"

"Kieran Culkin — Simon Boggs"

"Anna Paquin — Mackenzie Siler"

"Kevin Pollak — Wayne Boggs"

"Jodi Lyn O'Keefe — Taylor Vaughan"

"Paul Walker — Dean Sampson"

"Matthew Lillard — Brock Hudson"

"Rachael Leigh Cook — Laney Boggs"

"Girl: My soul is an island, my car is a Ford."

"Dean: One second, you're Zack Siler, class president, stand-out athlete, all-around bad-ass mamba-jahamba; the next thing you know, you're Zack Siler, bitch-boy."

"Taylor: You didn't think you became popular for real, did you? Oh, you did? That's so sweet."

"Mackenzie: So who's the lucky rebound skank?"

"You didn't really think I'd leave for All-Star Road Rules and still be dating you? Oh, you did? That's so sweet."

"It's not about disrespect, it's just gas."

"So, Laney, I was wondering if you wanted to... [Laney walks away]... embarrass me horribly in front of all these people."

"Give her the right look, the right boyfriend, and bam. In six weeks she's being named prom queen."

"All you have left is a C-minus GPA with a Wonderbra."

"Sometimes when you open up to people, you let the bad in with the good."

"This is all fascinating, Taylor, but could you skip to the part where you decided to screw me over."

"Am I a bet? Am I a FUCKING BET?"

"Who the HELL would nominate me?"

"I feel just like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. You know, except for the whole hooker thing."

"Stalking is illegal in all 50 states."

"What is this, some sort of dork outreach program?"

"Look at these earrings! I'll be the envy of every girl at prom. Not like that was in jeopardy or anything."

"Adam Sandler - Mambuza Bongo Player"

"Ashlee Simpson - Monique"

"Megan Kuhlmann - Hildenburg"

"Sam Doumit - Eden"

"Angie Stone - Madame Mambuza"

"Matt Weinberg - Booger Spencer"

"Jodi Long - Keesha's Mom"

"Maritza Murray - Keesha "Ling-Ling" Jackson"