"[on the phone, after Chandler Young has gotten Hartounian Construction's power turned off] That's hard to say, huh? Well, when can we get the power turned back on? That's hard to say, huh? Well, tell me something. Is it as hard to say as "Oh, my god! Somebody help me! There's a man in my office with a flamethrower"?"

"Golf, golf... what kinda name is "golf" anyway? Sounds like a sound you make when you've got something caught in your throat."

"You know I'm always shooting myself with one of those poison-dipped, crossbow darts. I don't know why they don't put a warning on those things."

"Home of the rich and tasteless."

"Jackie Mason - Jack Hartounian"

"Well, you certainly made it very clear how your legal system works Mr. Young. Now, I'd like to explain a little bit about the Peter Blunt system. You see, I don't go in for lawsuits and motions or any of the legal stuff. No, no, you see what happens is, uh, I find out where you live and then I come to your house, see? And I beat down your door with a fucking baseball bat! And, then I make a bonfire with the Chipendale, maybe roast that Golden Retriever, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, then eat it! And then I'm coming upstairs, junior, and I'm gonna grab you by your Brooks Bros. P.J.s, and then I'm gonna take your brand new B.M.W., and cram it up your tight ass! Do we have an understanding?"

"Dan Aykroyd - Captain Tom Everett"

"Paul Bartel - Mr. Jamison"

"Chynna Phillips - Mary Frances 'Miffy' Young"

"Anthony Mockus Sr. - Mr. Pierpont"

"Marsha Warfield - Royette Tyler"

"Brian McNamara - Todd Young"

"Bibi Osterwald - Mrs. Pierpont"

"Frank Welker (voice) - the Gopher"

"Dyan Cannon - Elizabeth Pearce"

"Jonathan Silverman - Harry"

"Dina Merrill - Cynthia Young"

"[to one of his workers] Take chances. I'm insured."

"Chevy Chase - Ty Webb"

"Jessica Lundy - Kate Hartounian"

"Dora Madison Burge - Val"

"Michael Monsour - Justin"

"Jonathan Breck - Coach Gordan"

"Things only mean as much as the meaningfulness that we allow them to have."

"[about practice] Voluntary means mandatory."

"Tanner Kalina - Alex Brumley"

"From Writer/Director Richard Linklater Comes The Spiritual Sequel To Dazed and Confused"

"Here for a Good Time Not a Long Time"

"Dale Douglas: This ain't high school, man. This is a new level. You have not earned teammate status yet...And until you do, you're nobody."

"Jay: I'm too fuckin' philosophical for this shit!"

"Austin Amelio - Nesbit"

"Have you noticed whenever we're around baseball all we talk about is pussy. Now, we're actually around a few potentially interesting young women, all you talk about is baseball. It's a little fucked up!"

"That just went from cute to restraining order."

"We came for a good time, not for a long time."

"Ryan Guzman - Kenny Roper"

"Glen Powell - Finnegan "Finn""

"Tyler Hoechlin - Glen McReynolds"

"Wyatt Russell - Charlie Willoughby"

"Zoey Deutch - Beverly"

"Juston Street - Jay Niles"

"Don't be afraid to let the experience find you."

"Forrest Vickery - Coma"

"Temple Baker - Tyrone Plummer"

"Blake Jenner - Jake Bradford"