"[monologue to the camera] A sheriff! But law and order is the last thing I want! Wait a minute...maybe I can use this to my advantage. If I could find a sheriff who so offends the people of Rock Ridge that his very appearance would drive them out of town! Wherever will I find such a man? [To the camera] Why am I asking you?"

"There might be a legal precedent. Land snatching. [searches books] "L--land. See snatch.""

"Come on, boys! The way you're lollygaggin' around here with them picks and them shovels, you'd think it was a hundert an' twenty degrees...! Can't be more than a hundert an' fourteen! [A Chinese railroad worker collapses from heat exhaustion] Dock that Chink a day's pay for napping on the job."

"Tell me, "Tex ma'am", are you in show business? Well then why don't you get your fwiggin' feet off the stage!"

"A wed wose... how womantic."

"[on testing for quicksand] Horses? We cain't afford t'lose no horses, you dummy! Send over a couple'a niggers."

"Well, how do you like that! We take the trouble to slaughter every last Indian in the West,and for what? So we can appoint a sheriff who's Blacker than any Indian! I AM DEPRESSED!!"

"Mongo only pawn in game of life."

"Cleavon Little - Sheriff Bart"

"Gene Wilder - Jim, aka "The Waco Kid""

"Mel Brooks - Governor William J. Le Petomane"

"Madeline Kahn - Lily von Shtupp"

"Harvey Korman - Hedley Lamarr"

"Slim Pickens - Taggart"

"Dom DeLuise - Buddy Bizarre"

"Burton Gilliam - Lyle"

"John Hillerman - Howard Johnson"

"David Huddleston - Olsen Johnson"

"Alex Karras - Mongo"

"Liam Dunn - Reverend Johnson"

"Alright, here we go. Hold your ears, folks. It's showtime!"

"Sir, he specifically requested two niggers. Well, to tell the family secret, my grandmother was Dutch."

"Gentlemen, affairs of state must take precedent over... affairs of state."

"Let's face it. Everything below the waist is kaputt!"