"Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work."

"Defenceless, adj. Unable to attack."

"Decide, v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set."

"Dawn, n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach, and otherwise mortifying the flesh."

"Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision."

"Corporation, n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility."

"Conservative, n. A statesman enamored of existing evils, as opposed to a Liberal, who wants to replace them with others."

"Congratulation, n. The civility of envy."

"Confidant, Confidante, n. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by him to C."

"Clock, n.: A machine of great moral value to man, allaying his concern for the future by reminding him what a lot of time remains to him."

"Clarionet, n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet -- two clarionets."

"Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron, namely, that he is a blockhead."

"Circus, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool."