"There comes a turning point in every man's life, a time when he needs help. It happened to me also. Now this family helped me. I hope I repaid my debt. And I may add, some of the money went into a project of my own. I hope you won't mind sir...You see, with the aid of Tommy Gray, I was able to transmute a certain trinket into gold, then into stock, and then into pearls again....I've been repaid in many ways. I learned patience from Mr. Bullock. I found Mrs. Bullock at all times, shall we say, amusing....[To Cornelia] You taught me the fallacy of false pride. You taught me humility....Miss Cornelia, there have been other spoiled children in the world. I happen to be one of them myself. You're a high-spirited girl. I can only hope that you use those high spirits in a more constructive way. And so, good-day."

"[at her wedding to Godfrey] Stand still, Godfrey, it'll all be over in a minute."

"My purpose in coming here tonight was two-fold: firstly, I wanted to aid this young lady. Secondly, I was curious to see how a bunch of empty-headed nitwits conducted themselves. My curiosity is satisfied. I assure you it'll be a pleasure to go back to a society of really important people."

"[to Cornelia] You belong to that unfortunate category that I would call the Park Avenue brat. A spoiled child who has grown up in ease and luxury and who has always had her own way and whose misdirected energies are so childish that they hardly deserve the comment even of a butler on the off-Thursday."

"William Powell - Godfrey"

"Carole Lombard - Irene Bullock"

"People who take in stray cats say they make the best pets, Madame."

"Jerry O'Connell — Trip McNeely"

"Freddy Rodriguez — T.J."

"Breckin Meyer — Walter"

"Tamala Jones — Cindi"

"Channon Roe — Jake"

"Sean Patrick Thomas — Ben"

"Peter Facinelli — Mike Dexter"

"Lauren Ambrose — Denise Fleming"

"Seth Green — Kenny Fisher"

"Jason Segel — Matt, Watermelon Guy"

"Charlie Korsmo — William Lichter"

"Clea Duvall — Jana"

"Jaime Pressly — Beth"

"For the class of 1998, the last night of high school is the first night of the rest of their lives."

"[after he spilled water on his pants] Damn, she's gonna think I got that premature evacuation!"

"Angel Stripper: Fate. There is fate. But it only takes you so far, because once you're there, it's up to you to make it happen."

"All right this is it. It is finally time for Kenny Fisher to become... da man. Now I've done my laps, and all ten finalists are present and accounted for. Ten lovely ladies, yo. Each one at my disposal. Ten willing and able tour guides into the theme park of love. But who will it be? Which of you gorgeous ten will be the lucky one?"

"Yesterday's history. Tomorrow's the future. Tonight's the party!"

"Mike Dexter is an asshole. For the past decade, he has made a hobby of my pain. Witness exhibit A: my eighth grade science project - a working rain forest that Mike threw out a third floor window. It rains here no more. Witness exhibit B: an eye patch I wore for a month after Mike beaned me with a raisin in home ec. My parents took me to a 3D film festival; I saw no third dimension. And of course, how can I forget the pudding incident? I know no one else has. Well gentlemen, tonight Mike Dexter will know humiliation. Tonight Mike Dexter will know ridicule. Tonight is the night we fight back. Tonight is our independence night."

"You see the salt on this pretzel? Look at the stars. Some people, they say the stars are billions and billions of tons of hot gas. But I think maybe, maybe it's just God's salt. And God's just waiting to eat us."

"An event eighteen years in the making."

"Jennifer Love Hewitt — Amanda Beckett"

"Melissa Joan Hart — Vicki, the yearbook girl"

"Donald Faison — Dan"

"Jenna Elfman — the angel stripper"

"[narrating] It was October, freshman year. First time in history that I'd ever missed the bus. If I had arrived on time, I never would've seen her. But as it was, I was the first person at Huntington Hills High to set eyes on Amanda Beckett. It was her first day at school. Then, I'm sitting in class enjoying a late breakfast when out of all the classrooms in the entire school, she walks into mine. And where does the teacher sit her? Right next to me! Now, up until now, one could write this off to coincidence. But then she reaches in her bag and pulls out a strawberry Pop-Tart - the very same breakfast pastry I was consuming at that moment! What was I to do? How was I to proceed?"

"Ethan Embry — Preston Meyers"

"I don't know about you, but I really believe that there's one person out there, and for me it's gotta be Amanda."

"Bonnie Hunt as Kate Corvatch"

"It is total fantasy, light as a feather, contrary to all notions of common sense, it features a couple of stars who are really good kissers — and it takes place mostly in Venice, Rome, and the glorious Italian hillside town of Positano. What more do you want? Movies like this were once written for Katharine Hepburn (Summertime), Audrey Hepburn (Roman Holiday) and Rossano Brazzi (Three Coins in the Fountain). Or remember Clark Gable and Sophia Loren in It Happened in Naples? There is a case to be made that no modern actors have quite the innocence or the faith to play such heedless lovers, but Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr. somehow manage to lose all the baggage of our realistic, cynical age, and give us a couple of fools in love."

"Only you can make this change in me for it's true, you are my destiny When you hold my hand I understand the magic that you do You're my dream come true my one and only you."

"Only You gives us two people who should fall in love and live happily together for the rest of their days. They know it, we know it, and all of their friends know it. We also know with a confidence bordering on certainty that they will fall in love. And so there is a special kind of movie pleasure in watching them pigheadedly postpone their bliss — especially when they do it on Italian locations lovingly photographed by Sven Nykvist. I can think of many angst-laden young Hollywood stars, many of them accomplished actors, who could not have come within miles of the work done by Downey and Tomei in this movie. There is craft involved, yes, and even a certain inspiration, but what I reacted to more strongly was an ineffable sense of good nature: Tomei and Downey seem happy in their being here, and happier together than apart. That it what must be present if we're to respond to a story like this."

"I can't believe you're gonna let a few little letters of the alphabet keep us apart. It is a detail! Just — look, just call me Damon, okay? It'll be like a nickname."

"Marisa Tomei as Faith Corvatch"

"I married a liar. Why? Because I married a man."