"There can be no doubt as to the facts as I have stated them. Orthodoxy derives from this axiomatic foundation, and the two systems are mutually reinforcing: hence each is doubly validated."

"I categorically declare first my absolute innocence, second my lack of criminal intent, and third my effusive apologies."

"Ah! Five hundred years I have toiled to entice this creature, despairing, doubting, brooding by night, yet never abandoning hope that my calculations were accurate and my great talisman cogent. Then, when finally it appears, you fall upon it for no other reason than to sate your repulsive gluttony!"

"The creature displayed the qualities reminiscent of both coelenterate and echinoderm. A terrene nudibranch? A mollusc deprived of its shell? More importantly, was the creature edible?"

"Until work has reached its previous stage nympharium privileges are denied to all."

"I am not called Cugel the Clever for nothing."

"And, stretching in languid warmth, she contrived to twist her body into first one luxurious position, then another."

"Excellent; all is well. The 'everlasting tedium' exactly countervenes the 'immediate onset of death' and I am left only with the 'canker' which, in the person of Firx, already afflicts me. One must use his wits in dealing with maledictions."

""The contingency is remote." (This is also a Jeeves quote in the PG Wodehouse Novels)"

"Cease the bickering! I am indulging the exotic whims of a beautiful princess and must not be distracted."

"Yes, I realize that I see but a semblance, but so do you, and who is to say which is real?"

"I do not care to listen; obloquy injures my self-esteem and I am skeptical of praise."

"Enter, my friend, enter. How goes your trade?" "In all candor, not too well," said Cugel. "I am both perplexed and disappointed, for my talismans are not obviously useless."

"His brain ached with the want of knowing."

"My clever baton holds your unnatural sorcery in abeyance."

"Guyal reined his horse and reflected that flowers were rarely cherished by persons of hostile disposition."

"Here’s some miscellaneous information. First, wear what you like. Personally I dislike uniforms. I never have worn a uniform. Secondly, if you have a religion, keep it to yourself. I dislike religions. I have always disliked religions. In response to the thought passing through each of your skulls, I do not think of myself as God. But you may do so, if you choose."

"“You must save yourselves,” Rogol Domedonfors told them. “You have ignored the ancient wisdom, you have been too indolent to learn, you have sought easy complacence from religion, rather than facing manfully to the world.”"

"It had been suggested to her that the flaw lay not in the universe but in herself."

"Mischief moves somewhere near and I must blast it with my magic!"

"An idea of great merit! While we are alive we should sit among colored lights and taste good wines, and discuss our adventures in far places; when we are dead, the opportunity is past."

"“The idea has the virtue of simplicity,” said Nai the Hever gravely. “I confess that it had not occurred to me. I am always reluctant to pull on strings until I learn where they lead and to what they are attached.”"

"I see that you will make a competent inspector after all. You have a natural bent for subterfuge and deceit."

"Experience is the only source of wisdom: by which I mean, the competent conduct of life."

"“Our ancient creed is correct. Rather than submitting to change we must divert the influences which conduce in such a direction.” Ramus Imph listened with patient good humor. “The remarks of the sagacious Servant are persuasive, even though they fail to correspond with reality.”"

"“Certain folk have suggested bold and unprecedented methods—I might substitute the words ‘brash’ and ‘irresponsible’—to alter the conditions of today.”"

"“Still, I am restless; in all my life I have achieved nothing.” “Work and fatigue are well-known cures for restlessness! And what is achievement after all? Another name for vanity!”"

"“Let them scoff as they see fit! I will never compromise what I consider my art, especially for the sake of gain!” “For the sake of gain I’d compromise the art of my grandmother,” muttered Zamp under his breath."

"“Navigation on this lake is forbidden to aliens,” he declared. “We are ordered to sink all intruding vessels. Prepare to drown.”"

"Your character, Apollon Zamp, is marred by a certain paltriness of spirit, a diffused universal distrust which I truly deplore."

"My fees are not too high. Your wage scale may simply be too low."

"I fear, Master Zamp, that you are a victim to your own perfervid imagination."

"Your doctrines are remarkable! As if I existed only to fulfill your cravings! Then, since I do not care to do so, the cosmos must be considered insane."

"I suspect that the word (art) was invented by second-rate intelligences to describe the incomprehensible activities of their betters."

"“Let him talk as he will!” scoffed Zamp. “His motives are not at all obscure.”"

"Consider the human mind! It is capable of amazing feats when used properly. Conversely, without exercise it atrophies to a lump of gray-yellow fat."

"Gassoon, for all his lore, subscribed to a common fallacy: he assumed that all those whom he encountered appraised him in the same terms as he did himself."

"The town’s lack of special quirks was almost a peculiarity in itself."

"“Except for a few special cases, title to every parcel of real property derives from an act of violence, more or less remote, and ownership is only as valid as the strength and will required to maintain it. That is the lesson of history, whether you like it or not.” “The mourning of defeated peoples, while pathetic and tragic, is usually futile,” said Kelse."

"The travesty exists only because reliance upon abstraction has made reality incomprehensible to you."

"“How I hate you,” he said softly. “If hate were stone I could build a tower into the clouds.”"

"“And this is Uther Madduc’s ‘wonderful joke’?” “So I believe.” “But what’s funny?” “The magnificent ability of the human race to delude itself.”"

"Elvo Glissam only knew for certain that he found Schaine as beautiful some magnificent natural process, like a sunrise, or a surge of breaking surf, or stars in the midnight sky."

"Urban folk, dealing as they do in ideas and abstractions, become conditioned to unreality. Then, wherever the fabric of civilization breaks, these people are as helpless as fish out of water."

"“You used the word ‘civilization,’ which means a set of abstractions, symbols, conventions. Experience tends to be vicarious; emotions are predigested and electrical; ideas become more real than things.”"

"“Perhaps you can advise us on the lottery,” suggested Schaine. “Gladly,” said Elvo Glissam. “Invest your money elsewhere.”"

"Often their grievances were real; often they complained from sheer petulance."

"What, given the circumstances, would have been Emphyrio’s course of action? Truth. Very well, thought Ghyl: it shall be Truth, and let the consequences fall where they may."

"IF THERE BE HERE LESSON OR MORAL, IT LIES BEYOND THE COMPETENCE OF HIM WHO INSCRIBES THIS RECORD."

"Shanne said, “You are quiet; are you sad?” “In a way. Do you know why?” She put her hand across his mouth. “Never speak of it. What must be, will be. What can never be—can never be.” Ghyl turned to look at her, trying to divine every last scintilla of her meaning. “But,” she added in a soft voice, “what can be—can be.”"