"I just saw a man get eaten by a fucking crocodile. This is not what I do, alright. You know what I do? I write stupid articles about hotels, restaurants, and resorts. Not about the Australian Outback. And by the way, I fucking hate animals, especially ones that can kill you! [pause] Speaking of which, I'm going to kill my fucking editor when I get home."

"[after getting rid of Neil] Sorry about that, folks. As you can see, human pollution is one of the greatest threats to the environment out here."

"Northern territory is home to the biggest population of salt water crocodiles in the world, spread throughout seven large tunnel systems. State covers the land mass double the size of Texas, but we have a population of only 200,000 people. As you can imagine, we all have pretty big backyards."

"One of the rules of my tour is that you have only one chance to complain about the heat and flies. They are a fact of life up here and whinging about them all day isn't going to make them disappear."

"Alright, the species we're looking at today, the saltwater crocodile, is probably the most dangerous member of the crocodilian family. They're pretty much living dinosaurs who have been perfecting their hunting skills over two hundred million years. So they can swim underwater up to 20 miles an hour without making a ripple on the surface. And they can burst out to attack with incredible speed. They're also known to watch their prey and learn their habits. In fact, you can see this bloke looking at us now. So if any of you are camping up here, near a river, and you need to get water, make sure to do so at a different time every day because the croc will learn your routine. You might want to avoid that. A croc gets ahold of you and it can't swallow you in one go, he will surely tear you into pieces."

"Barry Otto - Merv"

"Robert Taylor - Everett Kennedy"

"Closer, Louis!"

"[Louis keeps smashing the jeep into termite mounds] Be careful, Louis! You almost missed one!"

"[Witnessing Jackie Legs' "death" of being hit by Charlie and Louis' jeep] Oh god. I killed a kangaroo. I never saw it. It's such a beautiful animal. It's the state symbol of Australia, and I've killed it."

"Getting closer! GETTING CLOSER!"

"David Ngoombujarra — Senator Jimmy Inkamala"

"Denise Roberts — Tansy"

"Bill Hunter — Blue"

"Marton Csokas — Mr. Smith"

"Dyan Cannon — Anna"

"Christopher Walken — Sal"

"Michael Shannon — Frankie"

"Estella Warren — Jessie"

"Anthony Anderson — Louis"

"Jerry O'Connell — Charlie"

"Adam Garcia (uncredited) — Voice of Kangaroo Jack"

"Sal is very disappointed to hear you lost that money. It's too late for that, Charlie. This time you screwed up big, final straw big. This from Sal Maggio. You don't get it, do you, Charlie? Sal's not disappointed 'cause he cares about the money. He's disappointed 'cause you two aren't dead! What do you think he was paying Smith fifty grand for?"

"Hurricanes leave smaller trails than you two morons."

"This mysterious 'Mr. Smith' we're gonna meet? I don't think that's his real name."

"Can you hold on a second? We're having a very intimate non-gay moment."

"Look, there it is, there! RIGHT THERE!"

"I'm gonna name my first son after you. "Crazy-Ass White Boy"."

"[to Frankie] [[The Lego Movie|Hey, Frankie! [Pauses; looks at the Charlie's face] Go long!]]"

"My brain is frying and I'm losing contact with reality. You don't understand this because this is how you normally function."

"It's for washing your backside! right?"

"Roy Billing - Mayor Robert 'Bob' McIntyre"

"Patrick Warburton - Al Burnett"

"Tom Long - Glenn Latham"

"Kevin Harrington - Ross 'Mitch' Mitchell"

"Bille Brown - Prime Minister"

"Grant Thompson - Mr. Callen"

"Billy Mitchell - Cameron"

"Sam Neill - Cliff Buxton"

"Houston's other problem."

"Based on the true story of what we didn't see."

"As Neil Armstrong set foot on the moon, our only link was a satellite dish in rural Australia with a few bugs (And a few hundred sheep)."

"Man's first step on the moon nearly stumbled on earth."