"Abe: We've got a nightclub, movies, swimming pool, steam room, massage table, discotheque, bridge, amateur night, and free blood tests every Wednesday."

"Man in Elevator: There's a reason some of us don't ride the subway. I'm looking right at it."

"Brick: One of those transvestites is standing right next to me. I can't talk now, I think he's surrounding me for unnatural things! And: See anything you like, Bud?"

"Tiger: Alright, fat man, leave the little guy alone! What do you think this is, a YMCA?"

"Customer: Did they ever put you on 4? It's Siberia up there!"

"There will be an orgy beginning in room 340 in exactly 4 minutes! Orgy in 340, 4 minutes!"

"It's like some strange heterosexual gypsy curse was put on this place!"

"I'm going straight."

"If you're not down in my room in five minutes, then I'm gonna come up here and break your knees!"

"Jelly roll, baby! You're my jelly roll man!"

"Chubby chaser. Hey, that's pretty funny. Unless you happen to be the chubby they're chasing."

"Do I look like someone who would try to pass a bad check? Yeah? Yeah, of course I do!"

"[amazed] Ronald Reagan?!"

"Who the hell was that?!"

"Plastic Puerto Ricans!"

"Some day, you're going to see the name of Googie Gomez in lights and you're going to say to yourself [gasps] was that her? And you're gonna answer to yourself, [gasps] that was her! But you know something, mister? I was always her, just that nobody knows it!"

"[after kissing Proclo] Oh, my boyfriend Hectar see me do that, he kill you with a knife this big! [touches her elbow]"

"[screams and curses in Spanish] My hairs! Not my hairs!"

"No rain, he tells me. No rain, he says. No rain! Fucking weather man!"

"[to Bill] Would you like the room where I first violated her mother?"

"William Lanteau – Charlie Martin"

"Dabney Coleman – Bill Ray"

"Doug McKeon – Billy Ray"

"Jane Fonda – Chelsea Thayer Wayne"

"Henry Fonda – Norman Thayer Jr."

"Katharine Hepburn – Ethel Thayer"

"when life is at its finest...when love is at its fullest..."

"A TRIPLE ACADEMY AWARD-WINNER!"

"Chelsea, Norman is eighty years old. He has heart palpitations and trouble remembering things. Just when did you expect this friendship to begin?"

"You know, Norman, you really are the sweetest man in the world, but I'm the only one who knows it."

"Don't you think that everyone looks back on their childhood with a certain amount of bitterness and regret about something? You're a big girl now. Aren't you tired of it all? Bore, bore. It doesn't have to ruin your life, darling. Life marches by, Chels. I suggest you get on with it."

"That son of a bitch happens to be my husband."