"[At Mikita's, the doughnut shop] And there I am in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylon, at three o' clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&M's to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzy wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door and mentions there's a little sweetshop on the edge of town. So, we go, and - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby breaking into this little sweetshop right? Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big Bengal tiger. Well I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopowner and his son, that's a different story altogether... I had to beat them to death with their own shoes... Nasty business really... But sure enough, I got the M&M's and Ozzy went on stage and did a GREAT show." [everyone in donut shop claps]"

"[Telling Wayne what people might say if he mentions Jim Morrison on the show] Look, there's Garth, and his friend Wayne...the psychopath."

"I know all seven animal styles: The crane, the stag, the horse, the tiger, the bat, the rat, the monkey, the Beatle [imitates Ringo Starr]. I will take you."

"Hey, brother... AMERICAN FOOTBALL!"

"You're not only one who knows some shit"

"Dang! That's some cold shit!"

"Here's the deal, meatball: You let me go, I let you live."

"Sorry, Romeo, but you gotta die."

"Like I told your punk ass before: I ain't selling shit."

"Guns don't kill people. People kill people."

"Trust me babe, if I say there is caviar in the hills, You bring the crackers"

"Some you win;.....and Dim Sum, You Lose..."

"Where my drink, man?"

"Trish, I'm gonna find your Aaliyah-looking ass, I know where you work at!"

"Name's Maurice....Bitch!"

"Hey Dimsum, You's a real funny man."

"I can take care of myself."

"You missed me? I'm gonna miss you when my father finds out you're here."

"So, Ahkbar, tell me, is it true what they say about Hong Kong?"

"Right, right. What's your name again? Something starts with an M..."

"Do I know you?"

"Yeah, well dead giveaway. Besides, you drive like crap"

"I'd have to see that."

"Look, I don't know how it is in China, but in America, if a girl is kicking your ass you do not have to be a gentleman."

"Great country. Free cars."

"People don't get soft in prison."

"I can't hit a girl."

"I'll let fate decide what to do with you. If the police don't get you, the other Chinese families will. Do what you will, Father, but this time, no one will go to prison for you."

"For you, killing your son was like running a over a dog in the street. Just something in your way."