"I've said it before and I'll say it again. There is no way, no way that you could come from my lions. Soon as we get home, I'm gonna put a lump on your mama's head."

"Junior, retirement is cat shit."

"Brenda Lee - Nice Lady"

"Follow that sum bitch."

"[yelling at Junior] Will you get away from me, you shit?"

"Paul Williams - Little Enos Burdette"

"Pat McCormick - Big Enos Burdette"

"John Anderson - Governor"

"David Huddleston - John Coen"

"Sally Field - Carrie/"Frog""

"I'm going to be the bandit! I get to wear the hat and drive the car! I love this! Gimme the car!"

"[talking about Junior] He's dumb…but a loveable shit."

"Let me tell ya somethin', Junior. If you ever embarrass me like that again, I'm gonna get an ax, and you're never gonna have to open your fly again."

"Dom DeLuise - Dr. Frederico "Doc" Carlucci"

"Mike Henry - Junior Justice"

"Liam Dunn - Doctor"

"Vito Scotti - Taxi driver"

"Elaine Devry - Secretary"

"Keenan Wynn - Alonzo Hawk"

"Huntz Hall - Judge"

"John McIntire - Mr. Judson"

"Chuck McCann - Loostgarten"

"Stefanie Powers - Nicole Harris Whitfield"

"Ivor Barry - Chauffeur"

"A little SQUIRT makes a big SPLASH!"

"The Loveable Bug's back doin' his thing!"

"Helen Hayes - Mrs. Steinmetz"

"Ken Berry - Willoughby Whitfield"

"[in a conference room in Japan] Hey, did you guys decorate this place yourselves? Because it's damn nice. It's real... Oriental."

"[to the Japanese executives before starting his sales pitch] I'm just crazy for your country. I mean, I love it. You know, my Dad was over here with the Army in about, uh, ...1945, uh, let's get started."

"Now on these last few we might need to cut a few corners. Just little things, like...engines."

"Mimi Rogers – Audrey"

"George Wendt – Buster"

"John Turturro – Willie"