"[to Melvin Udall] Is this fun for you? Hm? You lucky devil. It just keeps getting better and better, don't it? I'm losing my apartment, Melvin. And... and Frank, he wants me to beg my parents, who haven't called me for help. And I won't. And... I... I don't want to paint anymore. So, the life that I was trying for is over. The life that I had is gone, and I'm feeling so damn sorry for myself that it's difficult to breathe. It's high times for you, isn't it, Melvin?! The gay neighbor's terrified! TERRIFIED!"

"[to Melvin Udall] Rot in hell, Melvin."

"[to Verdell] Do you miss the tough guy? [imitating Melvin] Well here I am, sweetheart! Happy to see me, ya little piss-ant mop!? How 'bout another ride down the chute?!"

"[to Vincent Lopiano] Okay. Wh - What I do is I watch. You ever watch somebody who doesn't know that you're watching them? An old woman sitting on a bus or kids going to school or somebody just waiting, and you see this flash come over them, and you know immediately that it has nothing to do with anything external because that hasn't changed. And when you see it, they're just sort of realer, and they're more alive. I mean, you look at someone long enough, you discover their humanity."

"[to Melvin Udall] You don't love anything, Mr. Udall."

"[to Melvin Udall] When you first came into breakfast, when I first saw you, I thought you were handsome. Then, of course, you spoke."

"[to Melvin Udall] You look so s- . . . [She stops herself from saying "sexy" and regathers.] You look, uh, great. You look great."

"[to Melvin Udall] I want your life for one minute where my biggest problem is someone offering me a free convertible so I can get outta this city."

"[to Melvin Udall] If you ever mention my son again, you will never be able to eat here again. Do you understand? Give me some sign you understand, or leave now. [raising her voice] Do you understand me, you crazy fuck?"

"[to the bartender] The next thing I know, she's sitting right there next to me. Well, it's not right to go into details. I got nervous. I screwed up. I said the wrong thing. Where if I hadn't, I... I could be in bed right now with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you got a life. Instead, I'm here with you. No offense, but a moron pushing the last legal drug."

"[introducing Carol Connelly and Simon Bishop to each other] Carol, the waitress, Simon, the fag."

"[about Carol Connelly's promise to never sleep with him] "Never," she says. "Never," she says."

"[to Simon Bishop] Quit worrying. You'll be back on your knees in no time."

"[to Simon Bishop] Nelly, you're a disgrace to depression."

"[to Brian] I'll be quiet. Just let me stay here. No problem. Go get Carol. Get her here. I'm not a - a prick. You are. I'm not judging. I'm a great customer. This day has been a disaster. I'm not sure if I can handle this, too."

"[to patients in Dr. Green's waiting room] What if this is as good as it gets?"

"Worst sidewalk in New York. Look where they put it."

"[to Verdell, affectionately] Yes, I hate the doggy! Yes, I hate the doggy!"

"[to Verdell] I think it's a beautiful day for our walk today. Very nice. [Verdell is avoiding the cracks in the sidewalk, just like Melvin does. Melvin slows and observes the dog mirroring his behavior. Verdell carefully places his paws again to avoid a crack in the sidewalk.] What? Huh? [to Verdell] Hey! Hey! [He laughs out loud.] Look at that! Look at him! [He puts on plastic gloves.] I've gotta give you something. I gotta give you something real good, too. Now, I'm gonna show it to you. Come on, buddy. [He lifts Verdell to eye level.] Don't be like me, don't you be like me. You stay just the way you are 'cause you are a perfect man, and I'm gonna take you home and get you something to eat."

"[to Simon Bishop] Well, I work all the time. So never, NEVER interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire. Not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home, and one week later, there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body, and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're gonna faint - even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudge-packer that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States, and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?"

"[trying to write] "Love was..." [Simon Bishop knocks on his door] Son of a BITCH! Pansy-ass stool pusher!"

"[to Simon Bishop] As long as you keep your work zipped up around me, I don't give a rat-crap when or where you shove your show. Are we done being neighbors for now?"

"[to Verdell, as he throws him down the garbage chute] This is New York. If you make it here, you can make it anywhere."

"[to her Nurse] I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No... not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that overthrows life. Unbiddable, ungovernable - like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love - like there has never been in a play."

"Write me well."

"I have always liked movies, and sometimes an image or a scene or a character stays with me for years and inspires me when I write. For example: the magic in Fanny and Alexander or the story within a story of Shakespeare in Love."

"Joe Roberts - John Webster"

"Nicholas Le Prevost - Sir Robert De Lesseps"

"Jill Baker - Lady De Lesseps"

"Imelda Staunton - Nurse"

"Simon Callow - Edmund Tylney"

"Sandra Reinton - Rosaline"

"Rupert Everett - Christopher Marlowe"

"Martin Clunes - Richard Burbage"

"Patrick Barlow - Will Kempe"

"Steven Beard - Makepeace"

"Tim McMullen - Frees"

"Steve O'Donnell - Lambert"

"Ben Affleck - Ned Alleyn"

"Tom Wilkinson - Hugh Fennyman"

"Colin Firth - Lord Wessex"

"Geoffrey Rush - Philip Henslowe"

"Judi Dench - Queen Elizabeth"