"Well, I keep returning in my mind to the glass onion. Something that seems densely layered, mysterious and inscrutable. But in fact, the centre is in plain sight. And that is why this case has confounded me like no other. Why, every complex layer peeled back has revealed another layer, and another layer, and come to naught. And that was the problem right there. You see, I expected complexity. I expected intelligence. I expected a puzzle, a game. But that's not what any of this is. It hides not behind complexity, but behind mind-numbing, obvious clarity. Truth is, it doesn't hide at all. I was staring right at it."

"What is reality?!"

"Kate Hudson – Birdie Jay"

"Jackie Hoffman – Ma"

"Daniel Craig – Benoit Blanc"

"Chris Cooper - Terry "The Torch" Edwards"

"Joe Grifasi - Riley"

"Robert Blake - Captain Donald Patterson"

"Jennifer Lopez - Officer Grace Santiago"

"Scott Sowers - Mr. Brown"

"Wesley Snipes - Officer John Robinson"

"Woody Harrelson - Officer Charlie Robinson"

"Get on the fast track!"

"If you're a criminal, stay on the train!"

"Get on or get out of the way."

"Skipp Sudduth - Kowalski"

"[to Charlie] You're a bad gambler sunny Jim. You're in debt up to your eyeballs. You’re on the edge. You’re a wreck looking for someplace to happen. I’ll be there… and I’ll fuck ya dead."

"Enrico Colantoni - Dooley"

"And rounding out the crew… [Piranha: Surprise!] …is Mr. Piranha. He's a loose cannon with a short fuse, willing to scrap with anyone or anything. He's brave, he's fearless... Aw, who am I kidding? He's crazy."

"The Bad Guys become the good guys, so we can stay the Bad Guys. You know what I'm saying?"

"We're supposed to save them, not eat them!"

"Richard Ayoade — Professor Marmalade"

"Hey, you! Get over here. A little bit closer. Oh, I know what it is. You're afraid, because I'm, uh… The big bad wolf! Well, I'm not surprised. I am the villain of every story. Isn't that right, Snake? [Snake: [chuckles] Yep.] Say hello to Mr. Snake! Serpentine safe-cracking machine. Imagine Houdini but with no arms. The kind of guy who'd tell you the glass is half-empty then steal it from y'all. He's also my best bud, and today is his birthday! [Snake: Not relevant.] He's a sweetheart. [to Snake] You're a sweetheart."

"Zazie Beetz — Diane Foxington (a.k.a. The Crimson Paw)"

"Anthony Ramos — Piranha"

"[repeated line] Don't mind us, we're just robbing this place."

"Alex Borstein — Police Chief Misty Luggins"

"And over here is Ms. Tarantula. Our inhouse hacker, pocket search engine, and travelling-tech wizard. We call her "Webs"."

"Lilly Singh — Tiffany Fluffit"

"[repeated line by Wolf and Snake] Go bad, or go home."

"Awkwafina — Tarantula"

"And this is Mr. Shark, master of disguise. Apex predator of a thousand faces. His greatest trick: stealing the Mona Lisa disguised as the Mona Lisa. Dig that!"

"Yeah, they're a bit eccentric, but when you're born us, you don't exactly win many popularity contests. Do I wish people didn't see us as monsters? Sure, I do. But these are the cards we've been dealt, so we might as well play them."

"Marc Maron — Snake"

"Craig Robinson — Shark"

"[repeated line] So long, suckers!"

"[repeated line] Get them!"

"[repeated line] Arrest them!"

"[last words] No! No! I'm not the Crimson Paw! Sh-She's the Crimson Paw! She's the Paw! I'M THE FLOWER OF GOODNESS! NO!!"

"[to Wolf after he "attacks" Marmalade] Oooh! Now, you are done FOREVER, Wolf!"

"Good is no fun at all."

"You're going to have to choose between your friends, and the good life."

"[from the trailer only] If you want to stay out of jail, you need to go well."

"You villains have an image problem. You need a makeover."

"You see, I never cared about what's "good". Only what's good for me."

"I gave you an opportunity! A chance to show the world that you're more than just a scary stereotype! But you're too proud or too gutless to take advantage of it!"

"I was the best thief in the world. Fast, fearless, inventive. I just had one thing left to steal. [Wolf: The Golden Dolphin. So you went after it.] I didn't just go after it. I had it. And a clear escape route. But... all I saw in the end was the tricky fox that they always told me I was. It changed everything. So, now, instead of hurting people, I'm helping them. [sighs] I'm still me. [chuckles] I'm just me on the right side."

"Yeah, well, that ship has already sailed."

"[in a cute onesie] Well, there goes our street cred."

"A wolf and a fox are not so different. Maybe they will believe you, maybe they won't. But it doesn't matter. Don't do it for them. Do it for yourself. This is a chance to write your own story, to find a better life for you and your friends. What have you got to lose?"