"[Tony chases Josh down a hill and Josh gets a leg cramp] Congratulations, you've just joined the 76% of Americans who forget to stretch before doing any physical activity."

"First we're going to take an hour meditation break. Then we're going to climb that 1000-foot rock face over there with our bare hands and feet. I know you can do it, I have faith in you. But for now, observe the silence of the chi."

"Attention campers, the topic for tonight's discussion is, "Liposuction: Option or Obsession.""

"[to Camp MVP member after beating him in naming five American Vice Presidents] You Americans have NO sense of history."

"We're as good as anybody, it's time we started acting like it. First we've got to take control of ourselves before we can take control of this camp. We've got to get healthy for ourselves. We start respecting ourselves, *no one* can touch us. That's right, you heard me right."

"[voice-over while writing letter to grandma, he glances at Josh's empty bed and continues] At least Josh got out...where there's food. We have to resort...to more desperate measures."

"WATCH OUT FOR *SALAMI SAM*!"

"[in the Camp Hell video] As a healthcare professional, I would like to take this opportunity to warn you that Tony Perkins' weight loss system is not only ineffective, it's also downright dangerous. If he isn't stopped, somebody's child, maybe *yours*, *will* be hurt."

"Congratulations, Mr. Simms. You are the fattest boy in camp."

"Hey, don't pee in the water! [Pushes another kid in the water] Hey, don't drink the water, he peed in it!"

"Now, I must inform you, I have a severely deviated septum. When I sleep I make a very disturbing sound...Don't be alarmed, I am fine. Now…go to sleep…"

"I'm feeling skinny, Tony!"

"[reading the note] Why is he a Jr., is he a little boy?"

"Virginia Bruce - Audrey Lane"

"Men who keep books are never very happy."

"Luise Rainer - Anna Held"

"Myrna Loy - Billie Burke"

"William Powell - Florenz Ziegfeld Jr."

"The Sensation of the Century!"

"The Last Word in Entertainment!"

"10 Big Shows in 1"

"No, no, no, I cannot sing today. I told you before I'm much too angry to sing, and I'm sick of watching you roll your eyes like I do."

"That night I say to Flo - I mean Mr. Ziegfeld - "Flo, why do you send me so much milk?" and he just laughs and says, "Anna, that's a great idea. You'll get it from now on everyday." Everyday, 20 gallons of milk? I say, "Flo, who can drink so much milk?" and do you know what he says? "Don't drink it - bathe in it! And you will be a big success.""

"How can I love someone who plays tricks on me, puts terrible things in the newspaper, has millions of reporters annoying me?!"

"Eva Birthistle – Edie"

"Lena Headey – Luce"

"Piper Perabo – Rachel"

"The path to true love isn't always straight..."

"There Goes The Bride."

"Edie: She's not just heterosexual, she's barbie heterosexual!"

"Ned: I love the smell of hot dogs in the evening. Smells like... hot dogs."

"I'm a cure for lesbianism."

"Later on tonight, we're going to fall madly in bed."

"Will you fuck off with the fucking candles?"

"Cooper, that trollop. That man would shag an open wound."

"Three cheers for my husband, as much use as a fart in a jam jar."

"[Rachel wants to have sex in a park late at night] We've got a flat. It's a good one. And I've confiscated your mother's key so she can't sneak up on us anymore. I swear that woman's got a sex radar."

"Well, let's hang these flowers and get that jacket in some water."

"[to Rachel] You know I want you to be happy. And more than anything, I wanted to be the cause of happiness in you."

"I think you know immediately. As soon as your eyes meet... Then everything that happens from then on just proves that you have been right in that first moment. When you suddenly realize that you were incomplete and now you are whole..."

"You're a wanker, number nine!"

"[reading to coworkers] In her acceptance speech, the distinguished scientist paid tribute to her husband, Dr. Chris Davis. Tomorrow the pair celebrate their 42nd wedding anniversary after eloping together on the day they met. When asked how they could possibly have known that it would all work out, Professor Harrison replied in true scientific fashion: "We don't know, you can never be sure. But you take the plunge anyway. Sure is for people who don't love enough.""

"You make me feel something I absolutely cannot feel."

"Everyone promises you happily ever after... but life turns into a different kind of fairy tale."

"Sharon Horgan – Beth"

"Boo Jackson – H (Henrietta)"