Christian Theology

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April 10, 2026

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April 10, 2026

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"Tour guide: All right, summer at sea group. Our tour begins in the Vatican museum. This way, please. Scott: There it is. Swiss guard: This entrance is for private tour groups only. Jenny: Oh... but we are a private tour group. We've come all the way from America. That guy in the orange jacket is mentally retarded. [Cooper struggles with his ice cream cone] Swiss guard: Si, I can tell. How very, very sad. Jenny: Yes, it is. Swiss guard: But if you are a tour, where is your guide? Jenny: We've got a fantastic tour guide. Right here. Jamie: What? No... The Vatican has been used as a papal residence ever since the time of Constantine the Great of the 5th century A.D.! Swiss guard: Oh. Okay... um... if you'll all follow me, please. Have a very special day for a very special little man. Cooper: Okay. I can't believe that guy let us in. What a retard! Swiss guard: [To Jamie] Scusate. One of our English-speaking tour guides has called in sick. [Points to a tour group] Could you please take these peoples also? Tourist 1: How big is Vatican City? Jenny: We've got a fantastic tour guide. Right here. Jamie: 0.5 square kilometers. Tourist 2: Who built the colonnades? Jamie: Gianlorenzo Bernini, 1656. Tourist 3: Where are the bathrooms? Jamie: Floors 6 and 7. Next I'll take you to where the College of Cardinals elects a new pope. When this happens, white smoke is sent up from the Vatican. Here's a fun fact... [On an upper floor] Scott: Mieke must be around here somewhere. Let's go."

- College of Cardinals

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"Vittoria Vetra: When did you hear your call? Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Before I was born. I'm sorry, that always seems like a strange question. What I mean is that I've always known I would serve God. From the moment I could first think. It wasn't until I was a young man, though, in the military, that I truly understood my purpose. Vittoria Vetra: You were in the military? Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Two years. I refused to fire a weapon, so they made me fly instead. Medevac helicopters. In fact, I still fly from time to time. Vittoria Vetra: Did you ever fly the Pope? Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Heavens no. We left that precious cargo to the professionals. His Holiness let me take the helicopter to our retreat in Gandolfo sometimes. Ms. Vetra, thank you for your help here today. I am very sorry about your father. Truly. Vittoria Vetra: Thank you. Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: I never knew my father. He died before I was born. I lost my mother when I was ten. Vittoria Vetra: You were orphaned? Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: I survived an accident. An accident that took my mother. Vittoria Vetra: Who took care of you? Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: God. He quite literally sent me another father. A bishop from Palermo appeared at my hospital bed and took me in. At the time I was not surprised. I had sensed God's watchful hand over me even as a boy. The bishop's appearance simply confirmed what I had already suspected, that God had somehow chosen me to serve him. Vittoria Vetra: You believed God chose you? Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: I did. And I do. I worked under the bishop's tutelage for many years. He eventually became a cardinal. Still, he never forgot me. He is the father I remember." Vittoria Vetra: What became of him? The cardinal who took you in? Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: He left the College of Cardinals for another position. And then, I'm sorry to say, he passed on. Vittoria Vetra: Le mie condoglianze. Recently?" Camerlengo Carlo Ventresca: Exactly fifteen days ago. We are going to see him right now."

- College of Cardinals

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"Robert Thorn: Yes, Father? Father Brennan: We haven't much time. You must listen to what I have to say. Robert Thorn: All right. What is it? Father Brennan: You must accept Christ as your saviour. You must accept him now. Robert Thorn: Forgive me, Father, but I understand that you have a matter of some urgent personal business? Father Brennan: You must take communion. Drink the blood of Christ and eat his flesh. Only if he is within you can you defeat the son of the devil. Robert Thorn: I see. Father Brennan: He's killed once, he'll kill again. He'll kill until everything that's yours is his. Robert Thorn: Father, would you mind... Father Brennan: Only through Christ can you fight him. Accept the Lord Jesus. Drink his blood. I've locked the door, Mr. Thorn. Secretary: Yes? Robert Thorn: Would you send for a security guard? Father Brennan: I beg you, Mr. Thorn. Listen to what I have to say. Secretary: Ambassador Thorn? Father Brennan: I was at the hospital, Mr. Thorn, the night your son was born. I witnessed the birth. Secretary: Sir? Father Brennan: I beg you. Robert Thorn: [into the intercom] All right. Stand by. [to Father Brennan] What do you want? Father Brennan: To save you, Mr. Thorn. So Christ will forgive me. Robert Thorn: What do you know about my son? Father Brennan: Everything. Robert Thorn: And what is that? Father Brennan: I saw its mother. Robert Thorn: You saw my wife. Father Brennan: I saw its mother. Robert Thorn: You're referring to my wife! Father Brennan: Its mother, Mr. Thorn. Robert Thorn: If this is blackmail, then come out and say it! What are you trying to say? Father Brennan: His mother was a ja- [security guards burst into the office] Security Guard: Everything all right, sir? Secretary: You sounded strange. The door was locked. Robert Thorn: I want this gentleman escorted out of here. Security Guard: Ok, let's go. Father Brennan: Accept Christ each day. Drink his blood."

- Blood of Christ

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