"[Between peaceful daily life in Iraq and the mass bombings] My fellow citizens... At this hour, American and coalition forces are in the early stages of military operations to disarm Iraq to free its people and to defend the world from grave danger. On my orders, coalition forces have begun striking selected targets of military importance to undermine Saddam Hussein's ability to wage war."

"[on Hussein] He hates the fact, like Al Qaeda does, that we love freedom."

"[on Saddam Hussein] After all, this is a guy who tried to kill my dad at one time."

"Sure a dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier."

"This is an impressive crowd: the haves, and the have-mores. Some people call you the elite, I call you my base."

"[Last lines] There's an old saying in Tennessee. I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee, that says: Fool me once... shame on...shame on you...if fooled, you can't get fooled again."

"Anybody gonna say "nice shot"?"

"I call upon all nations to do everything they can to stop these terrorist killers. Thank you. [Holding up golf club] Now, watch this drive."

"Immoral behavior breeds immoral behavior."

"the terrorist threat wasn't what this was all about. They just wanted us to be fearful enough, so that we'd get behind what their real plan was."

"Afghanistan? Oh, yeah. They had an army; Our army!"

"Is it rude to suggest that when the Bush family wakes up in the morning, they might be thinking about what's best for the Saudis, instead of what's best for you or me? 'Cause 1.4 billion just doesn't buy flights out of the country; it buys a lot of love."

"The people were afraid so they turn to their leader for help. help from what [Then the politicians sing Let The Eagle Soar]."

"Okay, let me see if I've got this straight, old guys in the gym: bad. Peace groups in Fresno: bad. Breast milk: really bad. But matches and lighters on the plane, hey, no problem."

"You can understand why the police needed to spy on a group like Peace Fresno. (camera shows the members) Just look at them! (member rolls his eyes) A gathering of terrorists if I ever saw one."

"George Orwell once wrote that, "It's not a matter of whether the war is not real, or if it is, Victory is not possible. The war is not meant to be won, it is meant to be continuous. Hierarchical society is only possible on the basis of poverty and ignorance. This new version is the past and no different past can ever have existed. In principle the war effort is always planned to keep society on the brink of starvation. The war is waged by the ruling group against its own subjects and its object is not the victory over either Eurasia or Eastasia but to keep the very structure of society intact.""

"Meet John Ashcroft. In 2000, he was running for re-election as Senator from Missouri against a man who died the month before the election. The voters preferred the dead guy, so George W. Bush made him his Attorney General. He was sworn in on a stack of Bibles, 'cause when you can't beat a dead guy, you need all the help you can get."

"I couldn't believe that virtually no member of Congress had read the Patriot Act before voting on it. So I decided that the only patriotic thing to do, was for me to read it to them."

"The FBI was coming to see Barry, and they weren't there to jazzercise."

"As the attack took place, Mr. Bush was on his way to an elementary school in Florida. When informed of the first plane hitting the World Trade Center, where terrorists had struck just eight years prior, Mr. Bush decided to go ahead with his photo opportunity. When the second plane hit the tower, his chief of staff entered the classroom and told Mr. Bush the nation is under attack. Not knowing what to do, with no one telling him what to do, and with no secret service rushing in to take him to safety, Mr. Bush just sat there, and continued to read "My Pet Goat" with the children. Nearly seven minutes passed with nobody doing anything."

"[on Bush] He couldn't get his judges appointed. He had trouble getting his legislation passed, and he lost Republican control of the Senate. His approval ratings in the polls began to sink. He was already beginning to look like a lame duck president. With everything going wrong, he did what any of us would do. He went... on vacation"

"On the day George W. Bush was inaugurated, tens of thousands of Americans poured into the streets of D. C. in one last attempt to reclaim what had been taken from them. They pelted Bush's limo with eggs. (Shouting:Stay back! Get back!) and brought the inauguration parade to a halt. The plan to have Bush get out of the limo for the traditional walk to the White House was scrapped. Bush's limo hit the gas to prevent an even larger riot. No president had ever witnessed such a thing on his inauguration day."

"Not a single member of Congress wanted to sacrifice their child for the war in Iraq. And who could blame them? Who would want to give up their child? Would you? [on George W. Bush] Would he? I've always been amazed that the very people forced to live in the worst parts of town, go to the worst schools, and who have it the hardest are always the first to step up, to defend us. They serve so that we don't have to. They offer to give up their lives so that we can be free. It is remarkably their gift to us. And all they ask for in return is that we never send them into harm's way unless it is absolutely necessary. Will they ever trust us again?"

"Not even Ricky Martin could fly."

"While Bush was busy taking care of his base and professing his love for our troops, he proposed cutting combat soldiers' pay by 33% and assistance to their families by 60%. He opposed giving veterans a billion dollars more in health care benefits, and he supported closing veteran hospitals. He tried to double the prescription drug costs for veterans and opposed full benefits for part-time reservists. And when Staff Sergeant Brett Petriken from Flint was killed in Iraq on May 26, the army sent his last paycheck to his family, but they docked him for the last five days of the month that he didn't work because he was dead."

"Paul Satterfield - Dallas Coleman"

"Eddie Jemison - Bobby"

"The guy next door just became the man upstairs."

"If you could be God for one week, what would you do?"

"In Bruce We Trust?"

"He's got the power."

"ARMAGEDON OUTA HERE"

"Bruce: (with his own sign) WHATEVER HE SAID →"

"GOD BEE GOOD HONEY"

"ALL FOR WON"

"THY KINGDUMB COME"

"LIFE IS JUST"

"LOOK TO YOURSELF"

"R EWE BLIND"

"Parting your soup is not a miracle, Bruce, it's a magic trick. A single mom who's working two jobs, and still finds time to take her kid to soccer practice, that's a miracle. A teenager who says "no" to drugs and "yes" to an education, that's a miracle. People want Me to do everything for them, but what they don't realize is, they have the power. You want to see a miracle, son? Be the miracle."

"[breaks down upon seeing Grace pray so hard] You win. I'm done. Please, I don't wanna do this anymore. I don't wanna be God! I want You to decide what's right for me! I SURRENDER TO YOUR WILL!"

"Nora Dunn - Ally Loman"

"Fine! The gloves are off God! C'mon, lemme see a little wrath! Smite me, O mighty smiter! You're the one who should be fired! The only one around here not doing his job is You! ANSWER ME!!!"

"I am Bruce Almighty! My will be done!"

"Steve Carell - Evan Baxter"

"Lisa Ann Walter - Debbie"

"Catherine Bell - Susan Ortega"

"Philip Baker Hall - Jack Baylor"

"Jennifer Aniston - Grace Connelly"

"Morgan Freeman - God"