"Now look, she wants the Heki 2 roof lights, uh, the stylish ash frame furniture, and the scatter cushions with, uh, matching shag pile cover. Yeah. Right. And she's terrible partial to the periwinkle blue boss."

"Fook, 'e's a big fella."

"[Roused from his drunken stupor] I need to have a shite."

"Deadly kick fer a fat focker, eh?"

"Save your breath for cooling your porridge"

"So, you're obviously the big dick. And there on either side of you are your balls. There are two types of balls. There are big, brave balls, and there are little, mincy faggot balls. Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever; they smell pussy, and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good ol' pussy, and have brought your two little, mincey, faggot balls along for a good ol' time. But you've got your parties muddled up; there's no pussy here, just a dose that will make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you're having second thoughts. You're shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with ya. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written on the side of your guns…and the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle .50" written on the side of mine…should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now…fuck off!"

"Never underestimate the predictability of stupidity."

"[To a would-be assassin who has just run out of bullets] You're in trouble now, boy."

"[Madonna's "Lucky Star" comes on on the radio] Oh, I love this track."

"[Tony repeatedly slams a car door down on a man's head while the car phone rings; he politely answers] Bonjour?"

"I'm gonna be watching you, and I don't care where you go. You can fuck off to Tibet, and I shall have men, nutters, from Parkhurst, dressed in yeti suits, up Everest, with meat cleavers ready to chop your tarty fuckin' legs off!"

"Pull your tongue out of my arsehole Gary. Dogs do that, You're not a dog are yer Gary?"

"I've got a degree in arse-wiggling, mate."

"Emily Woof - Mandy"

"Lesley Sharp - Jean"

"Hugo Speer - Guy"

"Paul Barber - Horse"

"Tom Wilkinson - Gerald"

"Steve Huison - Lomper"

"William Snape - Nathan"

"Mark Addy - Dave"

"Robert Carlyle - Gaz"

"The year's most revealing comedy."

"Six men. With nothing to lose. Who dare to go...."

"Bruce Jones - Reg"

"Dave Hill - Alan"

"Paul Butterworth - Barry"

"Deirdre Costello - Linda"

"Welcome to Japan, Mr. Bond."

"Far Up! Far Out! Far More! James Bond 007 Is Back!"

"Desmond Llewelyn - Q"

"Bernard Horsfall - Campbell"

"Bernard Lee - M"

"George Baker - Sir Hilary Bray"

"Catherine Schell - Nancy"

"Lois Maxwell - Miss Moneypenny"

"Angela Scoular - Ruby Bartlett"

"Ilse Steppat - Irma Bunt (final film role)"

"Gabriele Ferzetti - Marc Ange Draco"

"Telly Savalas - Ernst Stavro Blofeld"

"Diana Rigg - Tracy Di Vicenzo"

"George Lazenby - James Bond"

"[After Tracy has been shot and killed; to a police officer responding to them] It's... It's all right. It's quite all right, really. She's having a rest. We'll be going on soon. [choking up] There's no hurry, you see. We have all the time in the world."

"He had lots of guts!"

"This never happened to the other fellow."

"Desmond Llewelyn - Q"