"There are now electrical appliances with the main unit so sealed in that it cannot be got at for repair. There have always been human beings like that."

"You never realize how tacky your furniture is till you try to give it to the Salvation Army and they won't take it."

"What a shame that allowances have to stop with the teens: both those that are paid to us and those that are made for us."

"Humiliation is a vast country of imprecise boundaries. If you think you're there, you are."

"I do not trust those who are above name-dropping. The suppression of small vices always exacts too high a toll."

"We all become great explorers during our first few days in a new city, or a new love affair."

"I have seen messed-up people of forty who still seemed salvageable, and children of six or seven who almost surely were not."

"There are whole years for which I hope I’ll never be cross-examined, for I could not give an alibi."

"The woman just ahead of you at the supermarket checkout has all the delectable groceries you didn't even know they carried."

"Family quarrels have a total bitterness unmatched by others. Yet it sometimes happens that they also have a kind of tang, a pleasantness beneath the unpleasantness, based on the tacit understanding that this is not for keeps; that any limb you climb out on will still be there later for you to climb back."

"It is important to our friends to believe that we are unreservedly frank with them, and important to friendship that we are not."

"The total history of almost anyone would shock almost everyone."

"Insult, not flattery, is the great aphrodisiac."

"Good-looking girls break hearts, and good-hearted girls mend them."

"Most of us would rather risk catastrophe than read the directions."

"Learning too soon our limitations, we never learn our powers."

"The neurotic longs to touch bottom, so at least he won't have that to worry about that anymore."

"Good food, good sex, good digestion, good sleep: to these basic animal pleasures, man has added nothing but the good cigarette."

"Being Irish is, no matter how real, a pose."

"Love is the silent saying and saying of a single name."

"Young lovers and young nations face the same problem: after orgasm, what?"

"Life's most painful condition: to be almost a celebrity."

"A childhood can be judged sheltered or not according to which was learned first, the four-letter word or the euphemism."

"When children are bored, it reflects on us all."

"Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty."

"The soul may sleep and the body still be happy, but only in youth."

"The family unit is man's noblest device for being bored."

"One of life's few really reliable pleasures: to have a family you love, and to leave them for a week."

"Life is a mixed blessing, which we vainly try to unmix."

"Most of us become parents long before we have stopped being children."

"We wake in the night, to stereophonic silence."

"Children lack morality, but they also lack fake morality."

"To smoke or not to smoke: I can make of either a life work."

"Luck: when your burst of energy doesn't run afoul of someone else's."

"Did that leave an undesirable taste in your mouth? Let’s take a swig."

"The neurotic believes that life has meaning, but that his life hasn't."

"Confession is good for the conscience, but it usually bypasses the soul."

"People are made of flesh and blood and a miracle fiber called courage."

"Every now and then you run across radiantly attractive people and you're delighted to find they adore you, till you realize that they adore just about everybody- and that's what's made them radiantly attractive."

"'Pull yourself together' is seldom said to anyone who can."

"Forget about calories - everything makes thin people thinner, and fat people fatter."

"Revenge leads to an empty fullness, like eating dirt."

"We catch frightful glimpses of ourselves in the hostile eyes of others."

"Grasp your opportunities, no matter how poor your health; nothing is worse for your health than boredom."

"My doctor is nice; every time I see him, I’m ashamed of what I think of doctors in general."

"Albert Einstein when asked what he considered to be the most powerful force in the universe answered: Compound interest!"

"Every group feels strong once it has found a scapegoat."

"What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want."