American Television Spin Offs

"You gave us Neil Young, we give you me."

"No. Free. Rides!"

"If this were Venezuela, they'd nationalize him."

"There's only one word to describe it: Trustigious."

"Respected... Trustworthy... Smooth."

"It's what Lincoln would have watched."

"Steering the great ship of News through the channels of Truth."

"America's most described journalist."

"It's French. Bitch."

"He's a journalist with gravitas, with dignity, with balls."

"Colmes-free since 2009"

"Stephen Colbert - Stephen Colbert"

"David Cross - Russ Lieber"

"Eric Drysdale - Bobby"

"[To Thelma] NOW who's the tramp!"

"(after an unkind remark by Ellen) I'm gonna break your teeth Ellen, pass 'em over!"

"(to Eunice) You wouldn't know the truth if it bit you on the butt!"

"(to snobbish Nita Peterson) Nita, you've got a lot of class for a dame with a rip in her drawers!"

"Well, I'll bet the neighbors are just lovin' this!"

"(to Naomi) Your idea of a workout includes a man, a bed, and a cigarette afterwards!"

"Eunice, what a sweet thought. No wonder I love you best. You were my third born and you are my favorite. Third time's the charm."

"Naomi, What a sweet thought. No wonder I love you best. You're like the daughter I never had."

"Ellen, what a sweet thought. No wonder I love you best. You were my first born and you are my favorite. Should have quit while I was ahead."

"I swear, I can't understand why they don't hold these church bazaars in the dead of winter when people can stand to be in their kitchens!"

"(to Iola) Get out, you jokin' jackass!"

"I only drove one time in my life--1946. I started out with a sedan and I came back with a convertible!"

"Uhh-ohhhhh!"

"Mama, what have you done?"

"Skeeee-teeeer!"

"Thanks a lot, Mama!!"

"(Naomi is making her "Famous International Stew") The ingrediants are two cans of stew (pours in stew), canned peas (pours in peas), Mexican beans, (pours in beans) Ole! Saurkraut (pours in canned sauerkraut, saying in a deep voice) Ja Wohl! And for an Italian special (blows a kiss) Spaghetti- O's! (pours in Spaghetti-O's)"

"Barney: 8,500 American silver cartwheels right in our hands; only one small hitch."

"Andy: What?"

"Barney: (reading posters) Let's see what we got here. "Henry 'Shopping Bag' Leonetti. Grand Larceny; $4,000 reward." "Max 'The Tongue' Rasmussen. Grand Theft Auto; reward $1,500." "Benjamin Schuster, alias Benjy Schus, alias Benny Schut. Forgery; reward $3,000." You know what this means, Andy?"

"Andy: Oh, good. File 'em, will you, Barn?"

"Barney: Wanted posters came in, Andy."

"Otis: [singing childlike to Barney who out of pride voluntarily put himself in the other cell] "Barney's in Jail! Barney's in Jail!""

"Hal Smith as Otis Campbell"

"Frances Bavier as Aunt Bee"

"Elinor Donahue as Ellie Walker"

"Don Knotts as Barney Fife"

"Ronny Howard as Opie Taylor"

"Andy Griffith as Andy Taylor"

"Maude: "You're a treasure!" (laughs)"

"Barney: "You're beginning to get to me.""

"Maude (escaped convict): "What made you change your mind?""

"Barney: "Let's you and me dance.""

"Clarabelle: Well, we will. We'll wait outside for him."

"Jennifer: But we've got to tell the Sheriff what we know."

"Clarabelle: Jennifer, you have got to control yourself!"