"You made me a great teacher today. [Max: How did I do that?] A great teacher learns as much from his students as they do from him. You have...awakened me. [pats Max on the shoulder] Thank you, Max."

"You know something? Nobody gives a rat's ass that you have to push the toast down twice! You know why? Because EVERYBODY pushes their toast down twice!"

"Are you suggesting that there exists a law compelling gentlemen to lay hold of canine bowel movements?"

"I'm accustomed to stand when a woman leaves the table."

"I warn you, scoundrel, I was trained to ride at the King's Academy, and schooled in weaponry by the Palace Guard; you stand no chance. When you run, I shall ride, and when you stop, the steel of this strap shall be lodged in your brain!"

"[to JJ] By the way, there is no "Andre" in Boheme; it's Rodolfo. And though it takes place in France, it is rarely played in French as it is written in Italian. Goodnight, Kate."

"I haven't been your girlfriend for a whole month now. You can tell me the truth."

"Theoretically, if you go to the past in the future, then your future lies in the past. This is a picture of you in the future - in the past."

"All this time I thought that I had "pretzeled" fate, and it had to be untwisted, but what I never considered is that the whole thing is a pretzel. A beautiful 4D pretzel of kismetic inevitability."

"I don't want him ready. I want him resplendent!"

"Meg Ryan - Kate McKay"

"Hugh Jackman - Leopold"

"Liev Schreiber - Stuart Besser"

"Breckin Meyer - Charlie McKay"

"Natasha Lyonne - Darci"

"Bradley Whitford - J.J."

"Paxton Whitehead - Uncle Millard"

"Spalding Gray - Dr. Geisler"

"Phillip Bosco - Otis"

"Andrew Jack - John A. Roebling"

"Dr. Walsh: Unlike some others, you spend more time being concerned with what's best for the patient than kissing my ass. A risky move, but I like it."

"Oh God, David, the felonies just keep piling up!"

"Did your imaginary friend come out to play?"

"Look around you, see this? This is the world, join it! Stop swimming around in your own mind. That is a dangerous neighborhood that you should not go into alone."

"God gave us alcohol as a social lubricant. Make men brave, make women loose."

"I'm just… I just wanted you to have your garden."

"Uh, I don't think your sister's a very spiritual person."

"You're like an A.M. radio that someone shoved into my head and I can't turn off!"

"Look, there are five other units here and not one person even remembers what you look like. Talk about being disconnected."

"Go away! You don't exist!"

"Okay, I was wasted. But I still shouldn't be seeing some little blonde control freak running around my apartment."

"If you could ever really touch me.... I think I might wake up from all this."

"[after remembering she's a doctor] I may have been a lonely, home-wrecking whore, but I saved lives!"

"Oh, my God. Maybe I was a slut. A lonely, home-wrecking slut."

"[referring to Katrina] I mean, I guess she's sexy if you're into that whole tall, big boobs, long legs, model-y sort of thing. I guess if you wanna be that guy."