"[to Eddie] George Findley is a very rich man. His grandfather left him twenty-five percent of his tobacco company... He's a gentleman. Gentlemen gamble. He gets his kicks playin' a hustler. He's got an old Southern mansion with a pool table in the basement, drinks eight-year-old bourbon, smokes a cork-tipped cigarette... I never saw him play. They say he's one of the best... I've got confidence in Findley... That means I've got confidence that he's a loser, all the way a loser. You happen to be about only one-half loser, the other half winner."

"Now why did I do it, Sarah, why did I do it? I could've beat that guy, I could've beat him cold. He never would have known. But I just had to show him. Just had to show those creeps and those punks what the game is like when it's great, when it's really great. You know, like anything can be great, anything can be great. I don't care — brick-laying can be great if a guy knows. If he knows what he's doin' and why and if he can make it come off."

"[After discovering that Charlie kept some money from him] With that fifteen hundred, I could have beat him. That's all I needed, Charlie... You'd love to keep me hustlin' for ya, huh, wouldn't ya? I mean, a couple more years with me scufflin' around in them little towns and those back alleys, you might make yourself enough to get a little pool room back in Oakland, six tables and a handbook on the side... Lay down and die by yourself."

"He is great! Geez, that old fat man. Look at the way he moves, like a dancer... And those fingers, them marshmellow fingers. And that stroke, it's like he's, uh, like he's playin' a violin or somethin.'"

"Roy - What a great audience."

"- "Gilly from Philly""

"- Mr. Ellis"

"- young Frank Sinatra impersonator/fake ID salesman"

"- themselves"

"- Mirage desk clerk"

"- "Girl in the Red Ferrari" (non-speaking cameo)"

"- Marty the Blackjack dealer"

"Juliette Brewer - Cousin Ruby Sue"

"- Cousin Vicki"

"- Cousin Catherine"

"- Audrey Griswold"

"- Russell "Rusty" Griswold"

"- Cousin Eddie"

"- Ellen Griswold"

"Chevy Chase - Clark Griswold"

"Couldn't you just roll us around on the bed again."

"I've got news for you Clark. I haven't said yes, yet."

"Well, I don't know what you would do with your horses, because, Clark likes to use the garage for the cars and the lawn mower."

"I love what you've done with the kitchenette."

"You find the Clark Griswold that I married and you tell him that I'm at the Mirage!"

"Could be worse...you could be pregnant again."

"Clark, this is a family trip. Can you try to stay with the family."

"(after an attempt to have sex with Clark in the bathroom goes horribly wrong) I'll never fly again."

"My pen burst. (after hotel employee notices Clark's arm is blue from falling in the plane's toilet)"

"Oh, Keno! This is easy."

"...and he want's to enter that garden, with a knowledge, and a mulch..."

"Don't think unnatural thoughts about your cousin, Rus."

"His name is not Papagiorgio. His name is Rusty Griswold and he's a C+ student!"

"Eddie, This is great! They don't have any of these games at the Mirage."

"It's my long-life food preservative. The FDA finally approved it!"

"Hard six coming out."

"That's nothing, it's a...birthmark."

"Jilly - That's it, kid. Now all we have to do is teach you how to dress."

"Honey, these boys ain't much to talk to, but, if you want a night away from your cat... they're more than fine."

"In this world, you’re either up on the stage in the spotlight, or down in the pit serving drinks"

"Lord is my witness, I hate this heat! If it isn't gluing your butt to the truck seat it's making you sweat like a farm animal!"

"I gotta warn ya Clark – they don’t play the same games that they do at them regular casinos"

"Whoa man it is a blazer out there. You're lucky you got air conditioning in here {Casino} - like mother nature intended."

"It's a bust, Las Vegas fun police, hand over your chips. ha ha ha ha"

"Don't worry, he's with me."

"Ahh Uban Coffee you know you can sprinkle that stuff on anything, ice cream, mashed potatoes or just eat it straight out of the can for a quick pick me up."

"Oh, yeah. That's from when I sold my kidney. I figured with all the advancements in modern science, I'd better sell it while someone still wanted to buy it. Smartest thing I ever did, Clark."

"Hey, kids. Round-up time!"

"My garden's spittin' out 50-lb tomatoes."