"That Zelig could be responsible for the behavior of each of the personalities he assumed means dozens of lawsuits. He is sued for bigamy, adultery, automobile accidents, plagiarism, household damages, negligence, property damages, and performing unnecessary dental extractions."

"[to Dr. Eudora Fletcher, under hypnotism] I'm 12 years old. I run into the synagogue. I ask the rabbi the meaning of life. He tells me the meaning of life, but he tells it to me in Hebrew. I don't understand Hebrew. Then he wants to charge me $600 for Hebrew lessons."

"I would like to apologize to everyone. I . . . I'm awfully sorry for, for marrying all those women. It just, I don't know, it just seemed like the thing to do. My deepest apology goes to the Trochman family in Detroit. I . . . I never delivered a baby before in my life, and I . . . I just thought that ice tongs was the way to do it. And to the, to the gentleman who's appendix I took out, I... I'm, I don't know what to say, if it's any consolation I... I may still have it somewhere around the house."

"But I've never flown before in my life, and it shows exactly what you can do, if you're a total psychotic!"

"[to Dr. Eudora Fletcher] Oh . . . the pancakes!"

"[to Dr. Eudora Fletcher] My brother beat me. My sister beat my brother. My father beat my sister, my brother, and me. My mother beat my father, my sister, my brother, and me. The neighbors beat our family. The family down the street beat the neighbors and our family."

"I love baseball. You know, it doesn't have to mean anything. It's just very beautiful to watch."

"[to Dr. Eudora Fletcher] I worked with Freud in Vienna. We broke over the concept of penis envy. Freud felt that it should be limited to women."

"Roll the dice and unleash the excitement!"

"Patricia Clarkson – Carol Parrish"

"Laura Bell Bundy – Young Sarah Whittle"

"Adam Hann-Byrd – Young Alan Parrish"

"David Alan Grier – Carl Bentley"

"Bebe Neuwirth – Aunt Nora Shepherd"

"Bradley Pierce – Peter Shepherd"

"Kirsten Dunst – Judy Shepherd"

"Bonnie Hunt – Sarah Whittle"

"Jonathan Hyde – Samuel Alan Parrish/Hunter Van Pelt"

"Robin Williams – Adult Alan Parrish"

"Are you game?"

"It's a jungle in there!"

"A game for those who seek to find a way to leave their world behind."

"Carl: [After a monstrous jungle vine takes his car away] FINE! TAKE IT!"

"Judy: We barely even knew our parents. They were always away. Skiing in St. Moritz, gambling in Monte Carlo, safariing in darkest Africa. We didn't even know if they loved us. But when the sheik's yacht went down, they managed to write us a really beautiful goodbye note that was found floating in a champagne bottle amongst the debris."

"Hey, wait a minute! Where are you going?"

"Find my parents!"

"You think monkeys, mosquitoes, and lions are bad? That's just the beginning. I've seen things you've only seen in your nightmares. Things you can't even imagine. Things you can't even see. There are things that hunt you in the night. Then something screams. Then you hear them eating, and you hope to God that you're not dessert. Afraid? You don't know what afraid is. You will not last 5 minutes without me."

"I've got it! Colonel Mustard in the library with the wrench. [Laughs] Clue."

"STOP GIVING ME THINGS THAT COME APART!"

"In the jungle, you must wait, until the dice read 5 or 8."

"[opens the closet door in Peter and Judy screams in pains with the leeches] Oh, sorry! [closes the closet door in kids stop screaming. He kicks the Alan's room in grunts; whispers] I'm back. My bike. [?] Somebody rolls for five or eight?"

""Okee-dokee!" and "Okey-doke!" (Spanky)"

"singing off-key* "I'm the Barber of Seville!" (Alfalfa)"

""Aww, gee!"(w:Dickie Moore)"

""That'll learn 'em." (Scotty)"

""You said it!" (various characters)"

""I don't think I'll taste so good, mother says I'm spoiled!" (Spanky, The Kid From Borneo, 1933)"

""Don't drink the milk, it's SPOILED". (various characters, Mush and Milk, 1933)"

""I wish Cotton was a monkey. All he needs is a tail." (Spanky, A Lad an' a' Lamp, 1932)"

""Yum-yum. Eat-em-up!" (Uncle George (The wild man), The Kid from Borneo, 1933)"

""Don't call me Norman, call me Chubsy-Ubsy." (Chubby), Love Business"

""Gee, you're pretty, Miss Crabtree. You're prettier 'n Miss MacGillicuddy." (Jackie), Teacher's Pet and Love Business, both 1930"

""Oh-Tay!" (Porky and Buckwheat)"

"Garry Shandling – Himself"

"Devin Schumacher - Runway Model"

"Shavo Odadjian – Himself"

"Winona Ryder – Herself"

"Stephen Dorff – Himself"

"Emma Bunton – Herself"