First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"[Shouting, to Arlene] You can't let Dick control your life!"
"[To Richard Nixon] You kicked Checkers, you're prejudiced, and you have a potty mouth!"
"Bruce McCulloch - Carl Bernstein"
"Teri Garr - Helen Lorenzo"
"Dave Foley - Bob Haldeman"
"Jim Breuer - John Dean"
"Ana Gasteyer - Rose Mary Woods"
"Harry Shearer - G. Gordon Liddy"
"Saul Rubinek - Henry Kissinger"
"Jon Lovitz — Clip Metzler, Larry's Best Friend"
"Michael Caine — Mike the Bartender at Universal Joint Bar/Angel"
"Linda Hamilton — Ellen Jane Burrows/Robertson"
"Jackie: When I played for the Bears, they used to call me "Cement Head". But you can call me Jackie."
"Jewel Jagger, Forklift Operator: You wouldn't want me to fork you to death, would you?"
"Ellen Jane Burrows: Oh, honey, were you thinking about that silly baseball game again?"
"Congratulations, Larry. It's a brave man who takes control of his own destiny."
"You'll find a lot of people don't like you, Larry."
"How about that! The desk is wired to my ass!"
"Maybe it was because it was my birthday. Maybe it was seeing Cindy Jo. I don't know. But all morning I'd been thinking about what it would have been like if my life had turned out differently."
"How well do you remember 1970?"
"Why is it when you do something terrific, nine times out of 10 you're all alone, but when you screw up really big, the whole world is watching?"
"Why is it every time your best friend's kissing you on the head, a beautiful woman comes along and catches you?"
"Why is it every time you have a mouthful of freeze-dried coffee, your boss walks in on you?"
"Jim Belushi — Larry Joseph Burrows/Narrator"
"Destiny's a pretty big concept, when you think about it. Where you are in life, how you got there, what would have happened if one thing or another had been different. To be honest, I never gave it much thought, myself, until today, June 14th, my 35th birthday, and without a doubt, the strangest day of my life. Do you remember the old story that starts, "This guy goes into a bar"? Well, I'm the guy, and here's the story."
"A totally magical comedy!"
"Larry Burrows wished for it all... until all that he wished for came true!"
"Would you give up everything you have... for everything you've ever wanted? Then meet..."
"Duncan the Tow Truck Driver: Somebody here call for a tow truck?"
"Tony Longo — Huge Guy"
"Jeff Weiss — Ludwig"
"Doug Barron — Lewis Flick"
"Courteney Cox — Jewel Jagger, Forklift operator/Larry's Secretary"
"Douglas Seale — Boswell, Burrows' Butler in Alternate Life"
"Pat Corley — Harry Burrows"
"Maury Chaykin — Guzelman, Building Contractor"
"Jay O. Sanders — Jackie Earle Bumpers, Company President aka 'Cement Head'"
"Rene Russo — Cindy Jo Bumpers"
"Bill McCutcheon — Leo Hansen, CEO Liberty Republic Sporting Goods/Cyndi Jo's Father"
"Hart Bochner — Niles Pender"
"Todd Karns - Harry Bailey"
"Lionel Barrymore - Mr. Henry F. Potter"
"Henry Travers - Clarence Odbody"
"Donna Reed - Mary Hatch Bailey"
"Jimmy Stewart - George Bailey"
"They're making memories tonight!"
"[after Potter says George was unfit for military service] After all, Potter, some people like George HAD to stay at home. Not every heel was in Germany and Japan."
"[to George] Look at you. You used to be so cocky. You were going to go out and conquer the world! You once called me a warped, frustrated, old man. What are you but a warped, frustrated young man? A miserable little clerk, crawling in here on your hands and knees and begging for help."
"[Inscribed in a copy of Tom Sawyer] "Dear George, remember no man is a failure who has friends. Thanks for the wings, Love Clarence.""
"Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"