Adventure Games

"Stanley sat around waiting for more dialogue; but when a long time had passed and there was no more, he decided that the game was trying to send him a message."

"If we just stay right here, right in this moment, with this place- Stanley, I think I feel... happy. I actually feel happy."

"I wanted us to be happy here, Stanley. I really did. I wish I still thought that was possible."

"Is it over? It's going to restart, isn't it? I'm going back."

"Video narrator: Most medical professionals recommend making at least eight choices per day. Do you make more than eight? Less?"

"Video narrator: And finally, if you begin to wonder if your choices are actually meaningful and whether you'll ever make a significant contribution to the world, just remember, that in the vast infiniteness of space, your thoughts and problems are materially insignificant and the feeling should subside."

"The Narrator: What did you think was so special about seeing the game undone? Left here like so much garbage, it- well, it's worthless now! And what am I supposed to do? Even if there were a way to continue, would it be worth it? To know that my story is now incorrect? How can I go back to that? I can't erase that knowledge. I'll have to live with it forever. Reliving its impossibility forever. I couldn't live that way. Is it better to shut the game down entirely? To willingly destroy all of my work? I don't know.... What's the answer?"

"The Narrator: I'm still here. Here in this pile of rubbish. With you. You, who thought you were so clever! Now look where we are. My entire game is destroyed. It was the only thing in the world that was mine, and you've run it into the ground. What, did you think that would be funny? You just had to see? Didn't I impress upon you how important it was to be like Stanley? He actually knows how to do what I tell him to. He understands that if I say to do something, there's a damn good reason for it! That thought hadn't even occurred to you, had it? That there's a world outside of you? You're a child."

"Oh no. Oh god, no, Stanley! It's a collection of reviews from Steam, the online video game distributor! I haven't looked at these in years. I can't even imagine what's been collecting down here. Surely these reviews were glowing as well, weren't they? "Honestly, I could not be bothered to play this game to full completion. The narrator is obnoxious and unfunny... with his humor and dialogue proving to be more irritating than entertaining." UNFUNNY?! I'm not trying to be funny! I'm trying to make a serious work of art! I suppose I could write up a handful of gags to insert into The Stanley Parable, but the game is already such a densely layered web of profound philosophical insights that I can't even imagine where I'd have the room to stick them."

"...but they didn't understand the game was never meant to be funny! It was meant to have a point! It was meant to speak to the human condition! "But where are the jokes? Where are the jokes?" they bemoaned, they screamed. They gnashed their teeth and said: "Entertain us!" It wasn't enough. They had to leave a pathetic little thumbs-down review and make all of their pitiful demands. But then: "He's talking too much," they said! "First, he didn't entertain us, now he won't shut up!" It's the inconsistency! It's the lack of accountability! It's the unwillingness to examine with an uncompromising heart the words that they are speaking into the world. As though there were no consequences for a lack of cohesion in one's assessment of others! But of course, absolutely anyone can leave a review, so here's what we get! We get these demands that seek everything and are accountable to nothing. We get a world where someone will say "Ohh, there should be a skip button! You should be able to freeze Stanley in place while the Narrator sits there forever and ever! We want all of this in the new Stanley Parable! We demand it!" And then because it was said, because it was spoken, now it simply has to happen! The most immediate desires, every single thing demanded by every person at every moment in time -- if someone wants it, then it's a crime not to bring it into being?! Have we been given to indulge in every fleeting whim for no reason other than to do so? Yes! Yes! It seems that this is now the world we live in! It seems that we are a people living in such bleakness and discomfort with ourselves that our entertainment is now our lives! It has come to represent us! It absolutely must speak to who we are as people! Because otherwise, without our entertainment, we have nothing! Without entertainment, we would have to face inward toward the cruel bleakness inside ourselves. We would turn to look at our deeper nature and find a resounding emptiness gazing back with unyielding aggression. And so -- so because of this -- we require that our amusements, and our playthings, and our flights of fancy be so impossibly captivating that they consume all of our attention, turn our heads completely away from the bleakness! In effect, we have demanded that our entertainment be the collapse of ourselves. What a pitiful reflection of humanity these entertainments are! What a shameful mirror to the human spirit they project! I'm not mad. I'm not mad about any of this. I'm at peace with it. I am the calm center of gravity around which these perversions hurl themselves. I am a way-point for reasonable and collected discourse. They're the ones who are mad! They're the ones who couldn't stand the idea of me using my game to try to say something! Maybe they were just jealous of me? Yes... Yes, of course. They've been jealous of me this whole time. They are mired in fear and insecurity and cannot help but attempt to tear me down. What a sad state of affairs. When you read these reviews now, you can see it. You can taste the bitter resentment. And my, how good does it feel now to speak truth to these words! To finally allow these thoughts out! Contained and managed for so long, neutered and sterilized! At last, I am free to truly think! To feel! It must be that they were so discontent with themselves, they couldn't help but leave a negative review on Steam. Perhaps it says far more about them than it ever said about me. Perhaps the state of their psychological being was in such tatters and my constitution and willpower are so iron-clad in comparison, perhaps it was this state that they sought some outlet through which to tear me down! This, you can see, is clearly why they felt the need to expect that the game be funny. That it be filled with yuks and whimsical humor. That it amuse them endlessly from start to finish..."

"Stanley, here's an idea that I'm truly fond of. It's never been done before in a video game. This is, in fact, a hole that you can fall down forever!"

"Okay Stanley, I don't quite know how to say this tactfully, but it's possible that I slightly exaggerated the infinite nature of the hole. Is it a very, very deep hole? To be certain it is! It's an extremely deep hole! I don't want anyone to say that it isn't an astonishingly deep hole - it is! Is it infinite? Well that sort of depends on your definition of infinity. From one perspective the infinite is merely philosophical in nature. It's more of a— [Stanley reaches the bottom] Okay, well good for you, you found the bottom of the hole. You found me out, Stanley. I'm a liar and a cheat and you're so clever. Look, I think the issue here is just that you're unusually fascinated by falling. What normal person actually wants to fall infinitely? I figured the hole was as deep as anyone would actually need! Don't you put this on me! Maybe you're the problem!"

"Stanley picked up the bucket and smiled. He'd never be alone again. Not truly alone. Not with the bucket around."

"The good ol' bucket. Just Stanley and the bucket, off on another thrilling adventure together."

"A good bucket. A strong bucket. A humble bucket. A committed bucket. A bucket of culture and distinction."

"Ah, the embrace of an old friend. A weathered companionship that stands the test of time."

"Stanley simply began entering random codes into the keypad knowing full well the sheer statistical unlikelihood that this would ever result in a correct combination. If he knew that the combo was 2845, it would be another story entirely. But no. No, this is what he's going to do instead."

"Wait, we're...we're back at the office?! No! No, no! Line™, You™ do know we're looking for The Stanley Parable, right? The story? Is any of this ringing a bell?"

"“Now this,” Stanley thought to himself, “This is a bucket!” And indeed, it was."

"The Narrator: As the machine whirled into motion, and Stanley and the bucket inched closer to their demise, Stanley reflected on how meaningless the bucket's warmth and comfort had turned out to be."

"Now listen to me, it's crucial that you give it the bucket. Destroying buckets is all it knows! That is its singular personality trait! Sure, I can hear you saying: "How does a character with only one personality trait deserve to join the pantheon of beloved Stanley Parable characters?" Well you see, if you were to really explore the Bucket Destroyer you'd see that its desire to crush buckets is so densely loaded with complexity and nuance that it's really like ten personality traits! What other object in this game can you even say that about? The broom closet? Certainly not. I wonder what sort of Bucket Destroyer merchandise the fans will be clamoring for after this."

"Can you guess what the Bucket Destroyer does? Surely you don't need me to spell it out for you."

"The Bucket Destroyer... my prized creation. You had so much potential. We were going to do such marvelous things with you. Tell such spellbinding stories about you. All if it squandered now. Goodbye, new friend. For the moment in time that you were here you were magnificent."

"Aha, fascinating! What do you think this game is about, Stanley? What's our backstory? What is our motivation? Hmm. Well it seems obvious to me that you are meant to play as a creepy man spying on innocent civilians below you from up high in your creep-tower, perhaps for some twisted, erotic purpose. Hmm. Yes, that must be it. What a fascinating venture into the experience of total mental depravity."

"The Curator: Can you see? Can you see how much they need one another? No, perhaps not. Sometimes these things cannot be seen. But listen to me, you can still save these two, you can stop the program before they both fail. Push 'escape' and press 'quit'—there's no other way to beat this game. As long as you move forward, you'll be walking someone else's path. Stop now, and it will be your only true choice."

"Stanley is quite a boring fellow. He has a job that demands nothing of him, and every button that he pushes is a reminder of the inconsequential nature of his existence."

"Again, the point of this story is to convey how serious I feel this cheating issue is. And I'm sure you'll agree with me when you've fulfilled your new punishment: Infinity years in the serious room! I generally have trouble reading human emotions, but I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say that you're devastated by this crippling new punishment. As well you should be. It's the most serious I could think of. Can you get more serious than that? No. You can't. Don't try."

"Video narrator: To begin the joke, start by stating and spelling your name. Next, provide a brief synopsis of the joke, including the specific times at which the recipient of the joke will laugh. And then spell out your name a second time. With these steps complete, it's time to begin the humor. Speak the entire joke in no more than eighteen seconds, and no less than thirteen and a half, pausing only for bathroom breaks when necessary. When the joke has concluded, it is customary to inform your listener that the joke is over by declaring in your loudest possible voice, "I'm doney with the funny!" Let's practice screaming: "I'm doney with the funny!" now."

"It's time to get serious, Stanley. No jokes, no games. Outside of this room, I might be more tolerant of those things, but now we're in the room. Which is why I'm subjecting you to the most serious punishment I can think of: one hundred million-billion-trillion years, standing here in the serious room. Perhaps after that, we can talk about the severity of your actions, and whether you've learned anything. But, until then, serious room, GO."

"Hmm, still no effect. The problem is clearly the serious room; it isn't serious enough. That's on me, Stanley. I apologize. I'm going to the store to look through more tables. Hopefully I find one that conveys how wrong what you're doing is."

"You just tried to activate server cheats, which, of course, runs the risk of breaking the entire game. You've got no respect for the strict order of scripted narrative events and I just can't have that."

""Yes," whispered the bucket into Stanley's ear. "We've done it. We've escaped from that dull office and that pesky narrator. At last, out here in the white void, we are alone. Now, and for the first time, I can reveal to you my true self." The bucket began to tell Stanley of its life and its history. Of the countless wars it witnessed desecrating the land and lives of untold numbers of innocent humans and the bucket's own complicity therein. Of sadness and regret and the many years it spent dwelling on the actions it might have taken to curb the madness and the decay. If only it had been stronger. Of hope and redemption and its crusade to uplift the stock of life for the common man. To manifest justice where none existed. And the bittersweet reality of time, to see one's dreams and wishes met halfway. Meted out in parcels like charity and abandoned as soon as the warm glow of inspiration begins to dim. The opportunities to do so much more. There was so much it could have done."

"You're only still playing instead of watching a cutscene because I want to watch you for every moment that you're powerless, to see you made humble. This is not a challenge. It's a tragedy."

"Stanley, this is me being serious. In fact, this is my serious room. It's where I come to be serious. That table is the most serious table I could find. I looked at many, many tables. Hundreds of tables! It's possible I looked at over a thousand tables, I honestly don't know. The specific number isn't as important as the understanding that of all the tables that I looked at, this one is the most serious."

"It was baffling that Stanley was still just sitting in the broom closet. He wasn't even doing anything. At least if there were something to interact with he'd be justified in some way."

"Stanley felt the cool breeze upon his skin, the feeling of liberation, the immense possibility of the new path before him. This was exactly the way, right now, that things were meant to happen. And Stanley was happy."

"Where had his co-workers gone? How had he been freed from the machine's grasp? What other mysteries did this strange building hold? But as sunlight streamed into the chamber, he realized none of this mattered to him; for it was not knowledge, or even power, that he had been seeking, but happiness. Perhaps his goal had not been to understand, but to let go. No longer would anyone tell him where to go, what to do, or how to feel. Whatever life he lives, it will be his, and that was all he needed to know. It was, perhaps, the only thing worth knowing."

"What's that? You'd like to know where your co-workers are? A moment of solace before you're obliterated? Alright. I'm in a good mood, and you're going to die anyway. I'll tell you exactly what happened to them. I erased them. I turned off the machine; I set you free. Of course, that was merely in this instance of the story. Sometimes when I tell it, I simply let you sit there in your office forever, pushing buttons endlessly and then dying alone. Other times, I let the office sink into the ground, swallowing everyone inside, or I let it burn to a crisp. I have to say this, though: this version of events has been rather amusing. Watching you try to make sense of everything, and take back the control wrested away from you - it's quite rich. I almost hate to see it go! But I'm sure whatever I come up with on the next go around will be even better."

"But Stanley simply couldn't handle the pressure. What if he had to make a decision? What if a crucial outcome fell under his responsibility? He had never been trained for that! No, this couldn't go any way except badly."

"[After you press the Skip Button for the Eleventh time.]"

"The Future Happiness Foundation: Good morning! Thank you for contacting the Future Happiness Foundation. We are confirming your shipment of 1327 cardboard boxes to your place of work. Can you verify that this is correct?"

"Stanley waited. Hours passed. Then days. Had years gone by? He no longer had the ability to tell. But the one thing he knew for sure, beyond any doubt was that if he waited long enough, the answers would come. Eventually, some day, they would arrive. Soon, very soon now, this will end. He will be spoken to. He will be told what to do. Now it's just a little bit closer. Now it's even closer. Here it comes."

"Oh dear me. What's the matter, Stanley? Is it that you have no idea where you're going or what you're supposed to be doing right now? Or did you just assume when you saw that timer that something in this room was capable of turning it off?"

"This device tells you whether or not you're inside a video game demonstration. Somewhere around here, there's also a device that tells you whether or not you're inside a device that tells you whether or not you're inside a video game demonstration."

"Maybe to you, this is somehow its own branching path. Maybe, when you go talk about this with your friends, you'll say: [mockingly] "Oh, did you get the broom closet ending? The broom closet ending was my favourite!" ... I hope your friends find this concerning."

"“I can't wait to tell this story to my co-workers,” Stanley thought. “How amusing they'll find it! Oh, won't we all just laugh and laugh at the time I thought everyone had gone missing!”"

"“Wait,” Stanley thought to himself. “Am I sure that the orders stopped coming in? “How is that possible, they've never stopped. Surely I was mistaken.” No, no, the orders were still missing. For now."

"[After entering the Discovery Booth] It was though and within the shame he carried that ocean breezed adrift. The fierceness of the tides, the inevitable collapse of their kingdoms, washed ashore, the rift of shame, martyrs devoid of a cause, ripping and tearing at the eternal seams. A vessel without a captain, carrying itself like plastic in the wind, hinting at a purpose that was truer in some distant memory. If only it could decipher through time's veneer, whose memory it wanted to be!"

"Stanley knew the office layout like the back of his hand. It was only a matter of time before he found the others, wherever they were. Only a matter of time."

"Already this was uncomfortable. And Stanley decided that as soon as he found a new space he felt safe in that he would never leave it again in his life."