First Quote Added
April 10, 2026
Latest Quote Added
"β Eric T. Duckman"
"β Aunt Bernice/Aunt Beverly/Beatrice"
"Martin, Jerry, Various background Characters - voiced by"
"Ratbert and Asok, Judge, Various background Characters - voiced by"
"Loud Howard, Bike Worker, Gang Member, Doctor, Various background Characters - voiced by"
"Wally, Mascot, Wally's Father Various Background Characters - voiced by"
"The Pointy-Haired Boss, Officer#1, Monty, Various Background Characters - voiced by"
"Dilbert, NewsReporter, Salesman, Little Dilbert, Various Background Characters - voiced by"
"Carol and Lena, Female Bank Teller, Various background Characters voiced by"
"Bob the Dinosaur, Prison, Cop#2 Various background Characters voiced by"
"Catbert - voiced by"
"Fred, Taxi Driver, Store Owner, Dog, Dog's Owner, Various Background Characters - voiced by"
"Alice, Worker, MailWoman, Various background Characters - voiced by"
"DilMom, Female Cop, Various background Characters - voiced by"
"Dogbert, Announcer - voiced by"
"Kyle - voiced by"
"Louis C.K. - Andrew Small"
"Sam Seder - Fenton Mulley"
"Laura Silverman - Linda"
"Brendon Small - Brendon Small, Dwayne, Walter, Ken and Junior Addleburg, various"
"Paula Poundstone - Paula Small (1999)"
"H. Jon Benjamin - Jason Penopolis, Coach John McGuirk, Perry, Various"
"Jonathan Katz - Erik Robbins"
"Melissa Bardin Galsky - Melissa Robbins, Various"
"Emo Phillips - Shannon"
"Janine Ditullio - Paula Small (2001-2004)"
"Eugene Mirman - Eugene"
"Ron Lynch - Mr. Lynch"
"(To Jay in a maternity dress) Are you gonna have puppies?"
"Funny man!"
"(Praying at her bed) God bless Daddy, and Uncle Bisquick, and please give Momma the butt-lift Aunt Randa says she needs so desperately."
"Listen, honey, I've known men like Duke all my life. There was this one boy back in college β dealt drugs, went to jail β yet today he's the star of Home Improvement."
"Oh Jay, you're the sweetest man who ever called me a super freak."
"I think you should know a little about my sister before she gets here. Let's just say she's like Satan with a boob job."
"Oh! It time for Humphrey the Hippo!"
"Sorry. I hate not being friendly, but this is New York."
"It's just a gun for God's sake, not a bloody Xerox machine!"
"(Jay introduces Alice to Duke Phillips) It's nice to meet you, sir. I'll never forget the speech you gave at my high school graduation: "I just drank two bottles of tequila. My wife doesn't know I'm here. Any of you girls over 18?""
"(after Jay tells Jeremy that he's going to marry Valerie Fox): Bubbe, never marry an actress. And never do blackface at the NAACP Image awards. Two things I've learned from experience."
"Kiss my surprisingly firm butt."
"I was in a student film once. Well, it wasn't a student film actually, although it had several women dressed as cheerleaders. I played Professor Spankum."
"Honey, we have a saying back in Tennessee: "Be a mensch, not a schmendrick.""
"I donβt know why I ever married you. (zoom out to reveal they're at their own wedding)"
"(Describing himself on a talk show) I'm a self made billionaire. The only person who can bribe me is a Bazillionaire."
"What is this? Annoy The Billionaire Day?!"
"(On the phone) Jay, itβs Doris. Iβm at the morgue. Could you come down and tell them Iβm not dead? They donβt believe me."
"Bazooka Duke says CHEW ON THIS!"
"Make him SQUEAL!"
"Vote for Duke! Vote for Duke! Vote for Duke! ... VOTE FOR DUKE!"
"(Watching the musical "Hunch") I shaved for this?"