The Railway Series

"Bert: Why Improper? He looks all right to me."

"Rex: It's got no whistle."

"Bert: Oh dear! How shocking! We don't approve of his sort, do we?"

"Narrator: Mike had trouble with some sheep. He grumbled about them dreadfully."

"Rex: They're silly but they're useful."

"Mike: What!"

"Rex: Farmers sell their wool."

"Mike: What's that?"

"Rex: People make clothes from wool. You know - things they wear instead of paint."

"Bert: But I don't understand, Sir. We can't drive sheep down the line. They wouldn't go straight."

"Rex: Silly! We don't drive sheep, we take their wool, in bales on trucks. It'll be easy."

"The Small Controller: (Laughs) Very well, Rex. You seem to know all about it, so you shall take the next train."

"Willie: Crumbs! That's torn it! I must warn Rex."

"Rex: (happily to himself) I said it was easy! I said it was easy!"

"Rex: Stop! Stop! Stop! (Narrator: He whistled.)"

"The trucks: On! On! On! (Narrator: Urged the silly trucks.)"

"The passengers: Ooh! Look! There's been an accident!"

"Rex: That accident served me right for being swanky."

"Bert: No. It wasn't your fault at all."

"Mike: Sorry we laughed."

"The Small Controller: I'm proud of you all. Thanks to Rex, the accident did little harm. Bert and Mike worked like heroes, and our customers admire the way we managed. They thought we were a 'toy railway', but now they say we're Really Useful. They've promised us plenty more work when the wool traffic is done."

"I started my life-long interest in railways approximately 50 years ago when, one Christmas, I received a first edition of Thomas the Tank Engine in a parcel from Santa Claus. As a book dealer, I very much regret that I do not still own that first edition. My mother gave it away to the local hospital with a load of Eagle annuals and other things, which I also regret I no longer own. From a childhood enlivened by the Reverend W Awdry's books, I remember the wonderful character of the Fat Controller. He was a bureaucrat; he was a man with a hat; and he was derided by the people who really ran the railway – who, in those stories, were the engines – for not knowing much about rail engineering. It sounds a little like Railtrack."