"Ethan: And yet, if I were to sneak in at night and plant an axe into your skull, I would go to jail. How is that just…"

"Lucas: No! Fuck you! I am NOT downloading 160GB of porn for you!"

"Ethan: See, you're cute. You can't be a cute girl and play video games. This would tear the fabric of the universe."

"Grisham J. Hardbottle, P.I.: Like a tree, cut down in its prime, I was stumped."

"Ethan: A part of me has died today. It's all Britney Spears' fault."

"Lucas: "...And then every single one of my brain cells cried out in joyful unison, that they would be spared further …"

"Casey Collins: Girls aren't objects. They're people too. Treat them as such. Because remember - It's pretty fucking h…"

"Lucas: You have an incredible ability to make me feel remarkably less self-conscious about my own geekiness."

"Ethan: Who dares knock on my door when I'm doing stuff, so that I have to get up, and stop doing stuff?"

"Ethan: A talking, flying bottle of booze? Great, I've fucking snapped."