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"Ethan: A talking, flying bottle of booze? Great, I've fucking snapped."

"Ethan: And yet, if I were to sneak in at night and plant an axe into your skull, I would go to jail. How is that justice?!"

"Lucas: No! Fuck you! I am NOT downloading 160GB of porn for you!"

"Ethan: See, you're cute. You can't be a cute girl and play video games. This would tear the fabric of the universe."

"Grisham J. Hardbottle, P.I.: Like a tree, cut down in its prime, I was stumped."

"Ethan: A part of me has died today. It's all Britney Spears' fault."

"Lucas: "...And then every single one of my brain cells cried out in joyful unison, that they would be spared further torment at the hands of this fucknut-saturated environment.""

"Casey Collins: Girls aren't objects. They're people too. Treat them as such. Because remember - It's pretty fucking hard to play video games with broken thumbs!"

"Lucas: You have an incredible ability to make me feel remarkably less self-conscious about my own geekiness."

"Ethan: Who dares knock on my door when I'm doing stuff, so that I have to get up, and stop doing stuff?"

"Chef Brian: Yes Clancy! My existential shell is filled with the dreams of wild chipmunks! Thank you for asking!"

"Lilah: I'm going to die at the hands of an X-Box.. how embarrassing."

"Emma: Maybe if rock-climbing required a directional pad, you'd be more willing. Oh, maybe we can find a video game that lets us pretend to be out doing something exciting."

"Zeke: Relax, I'm not going to squash your skull with a single hand or anything like that."

"Ethan: Phone, pillow says he'll suffocate me if you don't shut the hell up. I'm being held hostage by the bed linens. My life is in your hands, phone."

"Ethan: Books are only for deaf and blind people that can't enjoy movies."

"Lucas: A gaming religion, eh? That sounds like another excuse to wear a silly hat and get himself or our personal belongings broken."

"Ethan: Demos are like conjugal visits. They give you a taste and then snatch it away, leaving you wanting more."

"Home Depot Employee: Yep, I've got just what you're looking for. This is our Colombian Drug Lord series of balcony railings and window frames. They all come equipped with stylish tie-hooks for easy access should you, your family, or a raiding law enforcement agency want to rappel down to a lower level instead of using the stairs. No villa hideout should be without them!"

"Zeke: This is all backwards. Humans are supposed to be my bitches."

"Ethan: This is five liters, man. That's like a hundred of our American gallons."

"Ethan: That's the 'idiot tax'. It's our fee for having to put up with your stupid questions."

"Mickey: I've never sarcasmed someone into a coma before, but I'm up for the challenge."