"Roy: At this rate, I'll be done [putting the grain back in the silo] in time for Christmas. Sheldon: What year? Roy: That I'm not sure of. [from Unidentified Flying Orson]"

""[The CD is] stuck! That's what I get for buying a stereo from a horse." ~Roy [from Wanted: Wade]"

"Roy: Read to the chicks? I can do that. Wade: As can I! I wanna read to them. Roy: I'm going to read to them. Wade: No, I'm going to read to them. Roy: Au contraire, ducko. Wade: I don't care if you can speak Spanish, I'm still gonna read to them! [from Badtime Story]"

""And so Chicken Licken, Cocky Locky, Ducky Wucky, Piggy Wiggy, Sheepy Creepy, Lamby Wamby, Puppy Wuppy, Goosey Poosey, Horsey Worsey, Weasel Geasel, Turkey Lurkey, Hawky Tawky, Foxy Woxy, Eggy Leggy, Wooly Bully, Catty Fatty, Beaver Cleaver, Wormy Squirmy, Hoggy Woggy, Rooster Shooster, Fishy Wishy, Apey Wapey, Toady Woady, Mallard Ballard, Hippo Zippo, Mousey Wousey, and Chicky Wicky all went to see the king." ~Wade, reading Chicken Licken [from Badtime Story]"

"Wade: Roy, your favorite show is on! Roy: Garfield and Friends?! [from Badtime Story]"

""You will lose all your feathers during a total eclipse on Arbor day while listening to The Marine Corps Band playing "Home on the range" and watching a badminton match between two guys named Ichabod." ~Roy's fortune cookie [from Fortune Kooky]"

"Booker: Let's turn [the princess in the changed Cinderella story] into a cowgirl. Sheldon: No, a spacesuit. She's an astronaut. Booker: Even better, let's make her a race car driver and she's got an evil twin. Orson: No, she's a princess and there's only one of her! [from Bedtime Story Blues]"

""Hello, I'm Big Bad Buddy Bird. I never agree with the group. I set a bad example for impressionable children everywhere." ~Roy [from Big Bad Buddy Bird]"

"Booker: Roy, why are you playing the wake-up call now? It's nine-thirty! Roy: I'm on daylight savings' time. [from Return of Power Pig]"

"Orson: ...Maybe you'll look like me. Sheldon: Are you trying to scare me? [from Shell Shocked Sheldon]"

"Wade: It's National Don't Mention Meat Or Someone Will Hit You With a Banana Cream Pie Day! If you mention a kind of meat, someone will hit you with a banana cream pie! Roy: What? You mean I'll get hit with a banana cream pie if I mention, oh say, prime rib? (a pie hits him) That's a lot of baloney! (another pie hits him) Who do I complain to? I have a real beef! (a third pie hits him) Y'know what?! There's just too much at stake! (a fourth pie hits him) I said stake. S-T-A-K-E. Not steak, S-T-E-A-K. (a fifth pie hits him) (After Roy has quit the show) Wade: Roy's quit for good? Oh, now we are in a stew! (Hit with a pie) Orson: Wade, that's what you get for being so frank. (Hit with a pie) [from Big Bad Buddy Bird]"

"Penelope: [In a jungle fantasy] Here is the famous professor of jungle sciences, deep in the forest, wondering where she should camp for the night. [a pride of lions jump out from the bushes] Here she is, considering a good motel in St. Louis. [from The Guy of Her Dreams]"

"Garfield: [He and Jon step into Dr. Garbonzo Bean's lab to find hundreds of robotic duplicates of Odie.] It's an odie fest! [suddenly gets licked by two Robodies in succession] Just what I needed: a team slurp. [from Robodie]"

"Ralph: I got you this time, dog. :Garfield: Ahem! (points to himself) Me, cat. (points to Ralph) You, dog catcher. :Mr. Mendelberg(Ralph's boss): Ralph, put that cat down. You are the most incompetent dog catcher on the whole squad. :Ralph: But... but Mr. Mendelberg. :Mr. Mendelberg: One more mistake and you're fired! [from the episode Identity Crisis]"

"Jon: That's not a hot dog! That's a hot dog truck! I hope you feel like a complete idiot! [from the quickie Hot Dog Truck]"

"Jon: It is a great honor to be in your presence, Your Highness. Sultan: Oh, you don't have to call me Your Highness. Now, you can call me Ali. Or you can call me Wally. Or you can call me Ben. Or you can call me Benny. Or you can call me Ali Ben. Or you can call me Ali Ben, Jr. Or you can call me Junior. Or you can call me Ali, Jr. Or you can call me Sonny. Or you can call me Ali Benny, Jr. Or you can call me Junie. Or you can call Johnny. Or you can call me Benjie. Or you can call me Benjie, Jr. Or you can call me Ray. Or you can call me Jay. Or you can call me Ray Jay. Or you can call me R.J.J. [from Ally Katta and the 40 Thieves]"

"Garfield (to Odie) Rule number 1 in being a sidekick. Never dress better than the hero. [from The Caped Avenger]"

"Binky: HEEEEEEEEYYYY, CAT!!! Aren't ya thrilled to see me?! Garfield: No. :Binky: I'm the handyman, who's gonna fix up your house!! Garfield: Note the worried look on the cat's face. [from Binky Gets Cancelled]"

"Garfield: [to viewers] From time to time on this show, we like to bring you something a little educational. [a hand holding a remote control appears, startling Garfield] No, no! Don't change channels! It's not that educational."

"Jon: Garfield look at you! You need to get in shape! Garfield: Round is a shape."

"Jon: I'll put a stop to this or my name is mud! Garfield: "Mud" should be back any minute now. Jon: (returns, covered with mud on his face) Hello, my name is Mud. Garfield: We were expecting you. [ from Dirty Business]"

""Odie, that is not a watch. That is a head of cabbage. There is a difference." ~Garfield [from Dirty Business]"

"Jon: We'll go to that new multiplex in town. They have 37 screens. Garfield: All of which will be showing Kung-Fu Creatures on the Rampage 2. [from Video Airlines]"

""This is much better than sending him to Abu Dhabi, and it saves on stamps." ~Garfield, after locking Nermal in a jail cell [from Well-Fed Feline]"

"Jon: Garfield, come back here with that! I said you could have a light snack. Garfield: This is a light snack! A big snack includes soup. [from Beddy Buy]"

""Let me think how to solve this. Maybe I can call the Ghostbusters! Nah... that show was cancelled." ~Garfield [from Ghost of a Chance]"

""Good morning. Sometimes, on the show, we like to teach you something a little educational. No, no! Don't change the channel! It's not that educational!" ~Garfield"

"Floyd: Just remember this moment, Garfield, 'cause there'll eventually come the day you'll beg me to do this show. But you know what? I won't be available. I'll be working for, uh, Disney or somebody. Garfield: Who's he kidding? Disney's up to here with mice on their contract. [from The Floyd Story]"

""Kids! Check your TV listings. Make sure this isn't the last episode!" ~Garfield"

""I'll see your horse, and raise you... a grand piano... and the mayor of Davenport, Iowa!" ~Garfield during a game of poker [from The Lasagna Zone]"

""A beautiful woman is interested in Jon and you're asking what's wrong? How long have you been on this show?" ~Garfield, to Odie"

""If this guy's a lawman, then I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle." ~Garfield [from Speed Trap]"

""You! You're not Sylvia! You're one of the Kung-Fu Creatures on the Rampage!... Two!" ~Man in the movie Kung-Fu Creatures on the Rampage II [from Video Airlines]"

""This will scare the pants off those three or my name isn't June Arburkle!" ~Jon"

""In the history of mankind, no two people have ever been able to agree on the toppings for pizza." ~Garfield [from Binky Gets Cancelled, Again!]"

"Judge: "Order in the court." Binky: I'll have a ham on rye. Hold the mayo! (laughs) Garfield: That's the real Binky. Judge: Arrest that phony! Stinky Davis: Hey, you can't do this to me! I'll get you for this, cat! Garfield: The real Binky could never resist a very old joke. [from Binky Goes Bad]"

"Garfield: Where's the ball, Odie? Stupid creatures love to fetch a ball. Jon: (angrily walks up with the ball) You're annoying us, Garfield. Garfield: Like I said."

"TV announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Odie and Friends! Garfield: Odie and Friends? ...We are very close to the end of civilization as we know it. Floyd: What a disgusting, insulting, unfair TV show. Bet it's a hit, though. [from Attention Getting Garfield]"

""...Look what you've found. Do you know what this is, Odie? No, it's not a ball. It's the Klopman Diamond. A priceless gem, as well as a pointless running gag on a popular Saturday morning cartoon series." ~Garfield"

""You know what the sad part is? This is the sixth time Jon's taken me camping, and it's still the most fun I've ever had." ~Garfield [from The Bear Facts]"

""For a while, [Binky] even hosted the wrestling matches. The wrestlers complained he was loud, they couldn't study their scripts." ~Garfield [from Binky Gets Cancelled, Again!]"

""That's the mad scientist's assistant, Igor. Mad scientists' assistants are always named Igor. It's, like, a law." ~Garfield"

"Garfield's "Abu Dhabi" song to Nermal: Abu Dhabi, it's far away Abu Dhabi, that's where you'll stay Abu Dhabi, the place to be For any kitten who's annoying me, yeah! Abu Dhabi, it's off the track Abu Dhabi, now don't come back Abu Dhabi, it's quite a thrill For any kitten who can make me ill! Now some take a train, and some take a plane But I am sending you Not on a boat, or even by goat But in a box marked "Postage Due" Abu Dhabi, you're what they lack Abu Dhabi, now you're all packed Abu Dhabi, a far commute For any kitten who is too darn cute!"

""You should never say, 'Things can't possibly get any worse.' Things'll always find a way." ~Garfield"

"Garfield: [to Odie] Can you imagine Pete trying to scare us? Odie: [actually speaking] I don't know, I'm kinda scared. [from Mistakes Will Happen]"

""Garfield's been a very bad dog lately. I'm gonna teach him a lesson she'll never forget." ~Jon [from Mistakes Will Happen]"

""People who sing like that should be drug out into the street and shot. Or worse, made to listen to a tape of themselves." ~Garfield [from Garfield's Moving Experience]"

"Garfield: Are there any questions? Audience member: Uh, yeah! Is wrestling fixed? Garfield: Excuse me. I should have asked, "Are there any intelligent questions? [from All About Odie]"

"Jon: Don't you realize how wrong it was to try and mail Nermal to Abu Dhabi? Garfield: You're right. Egypt's further."