"[to Ellie] Now that's my whole plot in a nutshell. A simple story for simple people. If you behave yourself, I'll see that you get to King Westley. If not, I'll just have to spill the beans to Papa."

"[in a telegram] Am I laughing? The biggest scoop of the year just dropped in my lap. I know where Ellen Andrews is...How would you like to have the story, you big tub of mush...Will try and get it. What I said about never writing another line for you still goes. Are you burning? PETER WARNE"

"[to Ellie] Now listen, I put up a stiff fight for that seat. So if it's just the same to you - scram!"

"I never did like the idea of sitting on newspaper. I did it once, and all the headlines came off on my white pants. On the level! It actually happened. Nobody bought a paper that day. They just followed me around over town and read the news on the seat of my pants."

"[to his boss, who has already hung up] Oh, so you're changing your tune, eh? You're a little late with your apologies. I wouldn't go back to work for you if you begged me on your hands and knees. And I hope this will be a lesson to you."

"Destiny ... With A Sense Of Humor."

"Buck Henry - (uncredited) as himself"

"Evan Neuman - Kenny"

"Eve Crawford - Mrs. Buchanan"

"Marcia Bennett Mrs. Trager"

"Eugene Levy - Bloomingdale's salesman (Macall Polay)"

"John Corbett - Lars Hammond"

"Jeremy Piven - Dean Kansky"

"Bridget Moynahan - Halley Buchanan"

"Molly Shannon - Eve"

"Kate Beckinsale - Sara Thomas"

"John Cusack - Jonathan Trager"

"The love of your life could be in line for popcorn....."

"When Love Feels Like Magic, It's called Destiny. When Destiny Has A Sense of Humor, It's Called Serendipity."

"No name. No address. Just fate."

"Sometimes True Love Can Have More Than One Face"

"Can Once In A Lifetime Happen Twice?"

"[commenting on Sara's craziness] They should make pills for this."

"[commenting on Jonathan's craziness] They should make pills for this."

"Contrary to popular New York myth the Times is not omniscient."

"[Lying on the grass with Jonathan, outside Sara's house] Maybe we're lying here because you don't wanna be standing somewhere else."

"You know the Greeks didn't write obituaries. They only asked one question after a man died: "Did he have passion?"."

"{obituary for Jonathan} Johnathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long-reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Johnathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny."

"You know who plays golf? Guys who are too fat to play tennis, like this guy."

"[sitting and rubbing his back as a horse runs off] Ohhh! Oww! Ouch! Well I've been as sea since I was one, how the hell would I know how to ride a horse?"

"The body's an eight, the brain's a ten, so let's go."

"[scaring off Mabel's sisters and making them drop their flowers] I'm sorry! I didn't mean to deflower you!"

"Yar! Buckle your swash and Jolly your Roger for the funniest rock 'n' rollickin' adventure ever!"

"Set Sail for the Musical Comedy Adventure of the Summer!"

"Man, I'm older than the Beatles, but I'm younger than the Rolling Stones! yes my name is Major Genral stanly."

"You're going to major in Journalism or Law. Not Rowing."

"Gaby Hoffman — Lane"

"Lukas Haas — Scotty"

"Natalie Portman — Laura"

"Tim Roth — Charles Ferry"

"Natasha Lyonne — DJ"

"Alan Alda — Bob"

"Drew Barrymore — Skylar Dandridge"

"Edward Norton — Holden Spence"

"Julia Roberts — Von"

"Goldie Hawn - Steffi"

"Woody Allen — Joe"

"DJ: That's Frieda, our maid. Personally I think she was Hitler's maid at Berchtesgaden."

"Rapper: Yo check it I'm through with love / I'm through with all you muthafuckas."

"Laura: Please, no humiliating schemes."